Somebody to Love

Part 25: Creep

"When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye,

You're so very special, your skin makes me cry..."

I couldn't help singing the two lines from Creep over and over again. The song was stuck in my head since I listened to it last night. It was one of the songs suggested by Dwen. I thought it was beautiful. So beautiful that I hope someone would dedicate it to me. Who doesn't want to be admired, loved or worshiped like the girl in the song.

"Hey, I love that song," Ku Na tapped my shoulder. I turned to face her and regretted it immediately. She was in a pair of elegant Channel suit with matching peep-toe shoes and leather handbag. I couldn't describe how envious I was. If only one day she would bring me to inspect her huge wardrobe and let me try a few of her expensive clothes. I'd love to do that, even if I'd never afford to own any of them. Trying them on for a few minutes was enough and could lift one's self esteem.

"I know. It's a beautiful song, right?" I tried to sound cheerful. It's just impossible not to pretend to be happy in front of Ku Na. Her eyes shone brightly every time she spoke to me. She was always full of life and excited about almost everything, especially new ventures and new adventures.

"Yes, it's the kind of love song that will stick to you like your own skin. It will never leave you. Even when you've grown old, weak or even suffer from dementia," she said jokingly and I laughed.

"Actually I just heard it last night when I was exploring YouTube. It was a really nice surprise because the title doesn't give any clue what the song is all about."

"I agree. I fell in love with it the first I heard it too." Her smile faded as she pulled the nearest chair and sat beside me.

"Ku Na, are you okay?" I asked. If it was not because of her bright red lipstick, I was almost sure she had turned a bit pale.

"It's a beautiful song, haunting, evergreen and unforgettable. But for some people, it could remind them of sad memories too." Ku Na rubbed her temple.

"Oh! I'm so sorry Ku Na, I didn't mean to...."

"It's okay Allysa. It's not your fault." She rested her palm on top of mine. "I've dealt with this feeling a long time ago. It's just that sometimes it resurfaced."

Ah! Great, Allysa. This is great. Yesterday, your playlist made Nazrul cry. Now, your new favorite song made Ku Na upset.

I didn't know how to fix this thing. It's the kind of situation where you just wished you could press a huge 'DELETE' or 'UNDO' button. But this was real life, one can never run away from a problem such as this.

"Ya Allah, I don't know what's wrong with me. Nazrul was upset after listening to my YouTube playlist and now I made you sad too. I must have a very bad taste in music." It was not a joke, but Ku Na cracked a thin smile as she looked at me.

"Well, that's normal. Songs can really bring back memories. That was why I stopped listening to a few a long, long time ago. If we really want to move on after a heartbreak, there are sacrifices that we have to make. And in my case, I burned and broke a few CD."

"But they will still be played on the radio," I said.

"Oh, I can always switch the channel," Ku Na chuckled.

And then I suddenly thought of something. I was not sure how it was going to make Ku Na feel, but I just wanted to give it a try.

"Ku Na, here's the playlist that Nazrul listened to and suddenly became so sad." I clicked on my YouTube playlist and Ku Na leaned forward to read the song names. Her face became gloomy almost immediately.

"Guess what, Allysa. I think you really have a bad taste in music." Ku Na lowered her head, as if trying to hide her eyes from me. Her eyes were the gates to her heart. I could always tell how she was feeling by just staring at her beautiful eyes.

"Are you telling me that I'm not up-to-date?" They were all old songs. So old that most of them I've only heard on radio channels that played retro music.

"Well the truth is. Those songs, you see..... those songs were in the CDs that I've burned long time ago," she whispered before she got up, grabbed her Channel handbag and headed straight to the meeting room.

Dwen.

That was the only name that came to my mind then. I have got to ask Dwen about the songs. Why were they making Nazrul and Ku Na so sad? Did they have anything to do with their broken engagement? Or the songs were all related to Dwen's death?