TRUST ME

how does it feel

I was once asked, "How does depression feel?" It's a simple question, but unfortunately does not have an easy answer. Depression is quite different for everyone, so I cannot speak for anyone, but the only way I could explain the way it made ME feel is with a story.

"I remember one year as a child. I must have been around the age of eleven. I was a rebellious child, or at least I pretended to be. Though I was secretly good, quite opposite of what it's suppose to be, I assume. That day I climbed high up in the tree, the whole neighborhood was visible now from up in the tree. My father had cut many of the loose limbs, so they wouldn't fall on our roof top anymore, like it did that winter, years ago. We would always expect something new broken when we went outside, so my dad had enough, so he decided to cut the limbs himself, he did good. He told me to never climb on the tree again, but of course I didn't listen. I was trying to be adventurous....Come to think of it. I don't think I was trying to be rebellious. When he had told me it was a danger hazard, it was a must go, something for me to accomplish and destroy. To be able to say "Well I didn't get hurt." Always made me smile in situations that would be like this. But as I was high in the tree and looked out of the neighborhood, I felt good, I felt on top of the world. (Don't get me wrong, this is a good feeling to feel, but let us remember, everything goes down to a moderate feeling, our bodies aren't meant to function too low or two high.) I heard the back door close. That's when my heart raced, mom was at work, so it was dad. Dad was going to see me in the tree! I hurried down the tree at least I tried. Half way down, my foot slipped beneath me, and I landed on the branch that stuck straight up in the middle of the tree. My back and the tree smacked against each other, then I tumbled to the ground. Smacking that dirt below me. I stood up quickly without hesitation, dusted myself off. Stood straight up, but as I did my back cracked all the way up. My vision got blurry, and I felt myself loosing tint. I felt as if I had a toad in my throat. I wanted to speak, but there was too much in my throat and too much pressure on my chest. I even tried to swallow, but I just couldn't, it took much strength. That of which I couldn't mingle up alone in the yard. Until I heard footfalls from around the corner. Luckily for me, I managed to stay balanced, I leaned up against the tree, and just as I did. I smiled wide at my dad. Cause I knew he would be mad I climbed the tree, but even more mad and sad that I had gotten hurt. So I smiled, and he never assumed anything that day."

So you want to know how depression feels? It feels like you have so much to say, but don't know how to say them, so many things running through your mind, that you just don't know how to stop, pain that's unexplainable, with no solution for help but pain pills, and labels.

So let me sum it up depression sucks...