My Odd Life

Prologue

All of my life I've had this huge unanswered question. Every time I thought I'd found the answer, I would get proved wrong. You see, this question I have, pretty much every one has it. "Will I always be alone?" I can't even explain to you how many relationships I've had that I thought would work out.

Its like, all of my life, person after person, one way or another, has screwed me over. Whether they are friends, or more than that, they've always found a way to create this hole in my heart from things they've done to me. I guess it doesn't really help that I grew up in a broken home. When I was about five, my mom died.

I was never really told how, or why she died. My dad doesn't like to talk about her either. He loved her so much. When he lost her, he lost himself too. He got into all kinds of drugs. I occasionally find him passed out on the bathroom floor with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. I think he needs some serious professional help.

So, I had to grow up pretty fast in order to be able to take care of my father and myself. Despite the fact that I was five, I seemed to be pretty successful in doing so. It would have been a lot better with a mother and father there for me, though. See, growing up I had no one. It was like me against the world. I had no time to be the kid I wanted to be.

Sometimes, my father had some really good clarity moments, when he actually remembered I was there and was actually his daughter. Those moments are some of the better times with my father. But, there really weren't many of those clarity moments, sadly.

To make things even more upsetting, my time with my father was short lived. By the time I was eighteen, and well able to take care of myself, my father over dosed, and died. He was only almost forty-two.

So here I am, officially alone, and extremely fragile. Again.

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Through the years, when my dad was still alive, I did find a few people that stuck with me, for a while at least. I also had my fair share of horrible relationships, and horrible moments in general. See, these friends I had, well, they weren't really that good to me. Some of them were there when I needed them, but others, the second I needed something, they, like, disappeared. Being that my dad was an addict, an alcoholic, and barely knew I was there, he wasn't there for me much either.

Now, these bad relationships I've been mentioning, one in particular, wasn't bad from the start. It started really well actually. I really liked this guy, and honestly thought he could be the one. It got to the point where I was willing to have sex with him, which I completely regret now. Considering the fact that he left me soon after we did it, which is just another situation to add to the horrible things that have happened to me.

Every other relationship I've had, never made it even close to how far the most recent one did. Honestly, I don't think I want them to get that far anymore. I'm terrified that I'm going to be hurt again. With all the pain I've already been put through, I don't think I can take much more. I've already been hurt enough. Especially from people I love.

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It's been a few years since my dad died. I'm still alone and don't really have any good friends with me right now. I think they all decided to leave me. It's not the first time either. Is there something wrong with me? Does God really hate me enough to take my parents away from me, and now my friends?

I guess it's time for me to get used to being alone.

I told myself I wouldn't do this horrible thing. But I did. I don't know why, but when I did it, I felt this rush of adrenaline just course through me. It was exhilarating. Although, I really don't think I should do it again. The scars the cutting leaves behind, just brings back the memories on why I did it to myself in the first place. I thought it was supposed to help, to release some of the pain I have. When all it actually does is leaves scars to remind me about the pain that I still have.

Within these years of being alone, I've had some pretty rough nights. Like, the other day, a horrible storm came. I'm not usually one to complain about storms, but this certain storm really scared me. Being alone in my house doesn't help either. There was so much thunder and lightening. My house was shaking from the thunder. I was shaking from fear. It got so bad that I decided to sit in the bottom of my closet, just to give myself a sense of comfort.

I'm not really sure how long the storm lasted, considering the fact that I managed to fall asleep in my closet. I don't know why, but it seemed safe. It was like someone was there with me, hugging me, comforting me. Even though no one actually was, I felt a certain peace in mind while I sat in my closet. I might just have to sit in there more.

After sitting in my closet, day after day, I've decided I really enjoy it in there. You see, the closet, it's like my own personal hell, and I'm the queen of it, but in a good way. I'm the queen of my own little hell, just like who I was named after, Persephone.

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Well! Heres the prologue! I really hope you guys like it! More will be coming very soon! :) <3