Timeless

Chapter Three (editing now)

"You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful."
~Amy Bloom

In the few years that followed, the friendship between Connor and Jael grew along with them. As her mother promised, Jael enjoyed school, though it was stressful for her - even in the early years - and sh grew board easily, as all children do. But nonetheless, she was happy.

Regrettably, the positive emotions did not expand to her mother, Sara. The poor middle-aged woman was, undoubtedly, locked in a hell of her own. In the morning, she arose early, several hours before her spouse and children. During this time, the house was silent without the life her children radiated. It was dark and still. She spent these painfully quiet hours alone, locked away in the downstairs bathroom, the cold tile of the floor chilling her to the bone; the only sound that escaped her lips were soft, broken whimpers, like the sound of a wounded animal. She didn't have even the most basic of comforts; she suffered alone.

"November 4th

I want to start by saying I'm not sorry. I don't have anything to apologize for; there is not a single shred of regret in my shattered heart. I love you all, I do. I swear I do. This was nothing any of you did. This was me, all me, lost and broken for far too long and suffering for as long as I can remember.

Below are my final words of wisdom to my children, whom I love with all my heart.

I want to start with you, Joshua. You are so precious. Words can not describe how much I love you. Do not let anyone, and I mean anyone, break your spirit. You are beautifully you, no matter what. Do what makes you happy. Love someone who lights up your life and starts a fire deep inside of your soul that not even the biggest waves can snuff out. Be the person you want to be. Be the man you would want your daughter to fall in love with. I'll love you no matter what, I promise that.

Delilah, my little angel, it's a shame I won't get to watch you grow into the beautiful, confident women I know you will be. You're a darling, honey. Don't be afraid to chase what you love. Life is filled with pain and anguish, I know that for a fact, Lilah, but don't let it ruin you. Chase what - and who- you love. Don't be afraid of heartbreak; it is the inevitable suffering we all have to face. Never settle for what you're given. Please, always strive for more. Be happy and love yourself and love what you do.

And Jael, my precious angel, my baby. My, this is hard. You're eight years old and I can already see the defiance in your eyes. I can hear it when you bicker with your siblings. I know you were the child I scolded the least, even though you needed it the most. I didn't want to snuff out your fire, darling.

Every time I look at you, I see a younger, happy version of myself and it breaks my heart. I don't want you to become what I have. I love you too much for that to happen, Jael. You are so brave, so strong. I want you to remember that. I want you do keep that spark of defiance. It makes you truly you. I want you to stay you. I want you to stay happy.

Finally, Michael, my dearest husband, I suppose it truly was 'till death do us part,' the only vow we shared that you lived up to. Right now, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for pushing me to this, for ruining me, for taking away everything I once loved, for taking me away from my children. You're selfish. You're hateful. You're cruel. You're the biggest hypocrite to ever walk the earth, my own personal Judas. Our marriage was a sham, you cheated on me twice, I needn't name names even though I could. But, darling, deep down I held onto the man you used to be, to the man I love. I hoped that one day you would realize how much you've changed, how abhor-worthy you are now. I hoped you'd start loving me again.