Sweet Sins

Leaving a piece of me behind

To say I was nervous was an understatement, I was terrified.

I woke up early the next morning to get my things I had with me.

When I came to the mountains I had a belief that the rumors about the mountains where just false, so when I came up I had a high belief that I would just give up and go back to my sad life or just stay at the mountains over night but, I part of me believed the rumors and I had hopes that I would just disapear.
Cause thats what everyone who meets me wants isn't it?

I had brought with me a backpack with some things I thought I would need if i ever did stay the night at the mountains or at a random hotel if I went back, a set of clothes, a sandwhich, some sweets, my phone and phone charger, my headphones, and a sketchbook with some drawing pencils I carried with me everywhere I go.

I didn't really think I needed my sketchbook when I went up to the mountains but I guess I felt like I would be drawing a lot.
And I did.

When I was alone I would draw some of the monsters that I saw here in the ruins, I drew a sketch of Napstablook with a top hat (Which he found out and he seemed pretty happy about it..or i think he was.), I drew froggits cuddling next to each other (which is my favorite because its sweet.), a whimsun, a loox, vegetoid, Migosp, Moldsmal, I even drew Toriel but I never showed her the sketch.

I ripped out the drawing of Toriel from my sketch book and started to write a little message at the bottom:

Dear Toriel,
I'm really grateful that you have been taking care of me and keeping me safe but, I feel like I need to move forward from the ruins. I bet you must hate me for leaving when your not here to tell me goodbye but...I don't want to see you cry. I won't blame you if you hate me for this note. Toriel, I'm going to tell you why I really came to the mountains but I don't want you to worry about it, it will be fine...

I take a deep breathe. Don't cry.. don't cry... She needs to at least know...

Up on the surface, life for me wasn't very peachy. The reality of life up there really isn't sweet at all..well for me it wasn't. I've been in a state of depression because of it for years now ever since I can remember really... I'm an adult and I still can't get over the terrible experince I've had in my life. So... I just want you to know...

God don't cry.... I don't need to be crying...

When I was upset or frightend....
It was never your fault.

Don't worry Toriel, I'll be okay.

P.s.
I drew this sketch for you a while ago, I figured it would be a nice goodbye gift.
Thank you.

I left the note on my bedroom door as I left.
I knew Toriel was out doing something in the ruins.
I knew she wouldn't find it till later...
By then...
It will be to late...

Maybe...I will finally disapear?

I covered my head with my blue hoodie as I went down the stairs.
My mind went to Sans, what did he look like? What kind of person..er..monster was he? Was he evil? No. Was he nice? Does he know Im human? I have no idead.
My heart beated rapidly as the questions came and went through my head.

It wont matter in the end I suppose right? No one ever cares about me when they meet me anyway...and if they do its all an act of pity...

At least thats what im led to believe.