Chasing Summer

Neverland

Here we are: The final chapter of Chasing Summer. Please read end notes if you're interested in reading short stories for this fic. :)

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It took me twenty minutes to get to the beach. At this hour, it was empty. There was no one here but me.

            Breathing in the frigid air that burned my lungs with every breath that I took, I stood there listening to the sound of the waves caressing the shoreline. The voice recorder was tucked away in the pocket of my jacket, waiting for me to have the courage to listen to Eren's last words. There was a part of me that didn't want to listen to the tape inside, just as there would always be a part of me that would never accept Eren's death.

            I never got the chance to say goodbye to him, now I was being forced to do it alone at his favorite place. It wasn't fair, but I'd known that for a long time.

            Tipping my head back, I gazed at the night sky above me. Tonight the stars were brilliant specks of light surrounding a half moon. From here, they looked small, fixed points in the sky that would come as the day ended. But that was only because they were so far away. In reality, they were massive, some even bigger than the sun. Each of them was a promise from a boy that could no longer see them. To me, it didn't matter that they were burned out, because their light carried on, even after death.

            The same could be said for Eren, who was my own star. The only one I wanted to see.

            "Here I am," I told him, even when he couldn't hear me. "I let you destroy me. I let you break my heart. But...here I am, and I still love you." I looked down at the silver band that I wore on my ring finger-a promise that now felt as heavy as my heart. I curled my fingers in, nails biting into the flesh of my palm. Once I listened to the tape, it would be over. Everything I'd been with him would come to an end.

            I slid out the ear buds I'd tucked into the collar of my shirt. Everything inside of me wanted to throw them into the ocean, to let them sink into the unknown depths, but getting rid of them wouldn't change anything. Whether or not I listened to the tape, the words on it would remain true. I was completely helpless against it, just as I'd always been. This pain couldn't be avoided, even if I went the rest of my life pretending that Eren was still alive somewhere out there in the world.

            I would never be ready to say goodbye to him, but I wanted to fulfill his last request, so I pushed play on the recorder and waited.

            The second I closed my eyes, he breathed out, "Levi," as though it'd been a while since he last spoke my name. "What did my heart feel like before it came to know yours? That's a question I ask myself often, but no matter how many years I lived before we met, I cannot remember a life without you in it. How strange love works." He breathed out, slow. "If you've followed my request, then it's midnight and you're standing on the beach. I chose this place, because this is where you started to fall in love with me. Do you remember?"

            I opened my eyes and looked at the ocean looming in front of me. The water was pitch black at this time of night, appearing both ominous and frightening, but the memory of him sitting next to me in his wheelchair on the day of the bonfire was vivid in my mind. He'd been so beautiful that, even before I realized my feelings, he was all I could see.

            I remember...

            "Your soul and my soul have known each other long before now, and they'll come together again at another time," he continued, his words ones I'd already heard. "Nothing can separate us. Tell me, do you still feel that? Have you been looking for me, waiting for me, because I'm still searching for you. I'll always be searching for you, Levi."