Phoenix Anderson is living with her brother after her and her mom got into a car accident on an empty highway. It was too late for her mother, but not for her. She gets another chance at life, and this time she intends to keep herself alive.
Nix so...
I sat up, blinking tears out of my eyes. I was drenched in sweat and tangled in my sheets, my mind still reeling from my ever recurring nightmare. It was one of the many things in my life that I couldn't seem to get rid of. It ate at me and I felt like I was slowly fading away, and one day my brother would wake up and find my bed empty because I had vanished off of the face of the earth, the void that I left filling up with raw pain. I rubbed my temples, wincing at the pain that had my head throbbing. I figured it was caused by all the shrill screams I'd heard in my dreams, that is until I realized that all the screams that I had heard in my dream were, of course, caused by me.
That nightmare wasn't just a horror movie that is always on repeat in my head, it was real. My mom died in that car accident and a black hole has replaced her bright place in my world, slowly sucking me in. I've been home pretty much the past year, in and out of hospitals and therapy, but the void seems like it's gonna be there forever. I've had to live with that dreadful memory going on in my head ever since she died that night. I have to admit, my therapist thinks that I've stopped having the nightmare. I mean what's the harm of one little lie if it can make my life even the teeniest bit better.
The door suddenly burst open, my brother Asher standing behind it in the hallway, the darkness of my room casting dark shadows on his face. He was breathing heavily like he had just run a marathon and looked about ready to kill someone. His fists were balled up, his muscles taut, and his jaw clenched. His dark hair was sticking up every which way, his brown eyes cold and worried. He looked around and when his eyes landed on me his eyes softened his muscles unclenched, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. I almost laughed at his relief because I sure wasn't relieved. I was haunted and no one could kill my ghost but me, and that probably wasn't going to be happening anytime soon. Unfortunately, he was also smart enough to look closely, and see my sweat and held back tears. I was never very good at a poker face. I preferred to be seen as fine, but with Asher that was pretty much impossible, seeing as he was trying to major in psychology.
He walked into my room, opening the curtains as he passed, the light filtering into my room through the blinds, and sat next to me on the bed, the mattress sagging under his weight. He glanced at me and put his arm around me, holding me close. I relaxed as I leaned into the warmth of his body and pressed my face into his chest, suddenly sobbing uncontrollably. I hated not being able to control my tears, but Ash made it easy to let go of my feelings. What he didn't understand is how much I wanted to keep the pain inside so that I could punish myself for mom's death. I couldn't stop crying, and the only thing that I could picture right now was mom's face. He sighed and grabbed my shoulders pulling me away from him.
Looking at my tear streaked face he put two and two together and said, "You've been having that nightmare again, haven't you?"
I turned away from him, another tear escaping and dripping down my face. "Yea, I- I can't help it just never stops and I can't do anything about it. I hate it. God I just wish it could stop." I stopped, suddenly not able to continue.
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He put his arms around me again, "Look Nix I get it, but this wasn't your fault. You need to try and come to terms with Mom's death."
"Don't try to use any of your psychological crap on me Asher. How can I come to terms with her death and accept that it isn't my fault, when it could very easily have been my fault. And, I have a right to feel guilty, you know? You want to get everything out in the open? Well here it is, we just had a fight when she told me to get in the car. I got in the car and wouldn't talk to her, "I turned to Asher," My last words to her were: 'I hate you, you're ruining my life.' How would you feel?"
I felt relieved to get everything out even though I wasn't telling the whole truth. I would never be able to tell him the whole truth. I caught his look of annoyance before he blinked and a look of anger came over his features. Wait, why the hell would he be annoyed?
"Look that stupid truck came and rammed into the side of the car. The streetlight just happened turn on at the same moment, blinding you and mom. It's not your fault and if I hear you blame yourself one more time, I swear... You'll be fine Nix. We'll get through this, together." he said.
"You know Ash, you're starting to sound like those people from movies that tell the victim of something terrible that everything is going to be fine, when in reality nothing is fine. Everyone hates those people, and they only make things worse." I said trying to grin through my tears but failing miserably. There were a few seconds of silence and I turned to Ash, surprised that he hadn't laughed.
He looked at me seriously and said, "Nix you can't keep hiding from your demons because they'll always end up finding you, no matter how good you hide or how well you covered up your tracks. You have to slay your demons while you're awake so that they can't get you while you're asleep. Don't hide from mom's death, face it because no matter how hard it will be, it'll help you face your fears and keep your fears from getting to you at night.
Then all of a sudden he smiled, even though anyone could tell that it was forced, and punched me lightly in the arm. "Plus, everyone loves me."
I cracked a slight grin. "You wanna bet?"
"That's the Nix I know, I thought I'd lost you there for a few minutes. Anyway get your butt up off this bed and start getting ready. The bus comes to pick you up in half an hour. You can grab a banana or a bowl of cereal on your way out. I bet I can get ready and be downstairs faster than you." he said with a smirk, and jumped off the bed and began to walk towards the door before turning to look at me.
"Wear something nice,and... You know what never mind." he said before he turned back around and leisurely walked off towards his room, leaving me staring after him annoyed.
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