Mistake [Tomadashi One Shot]

Mistake

Nothing was meant to happen.
It was a huge mistake.

It was the night before Hiro showcased his invention, the microbots, at the annual convention held at the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology.

I had just gotten home from Tadashi's place. Lying on the couch, music blaring through my speakers, I was overtaken by a swarm of thoughts. As out of character as it was, this was the effect that Tadashi had always had on me. I closed my eyes, and I could still see the images of him from just hours before, his eyes filled with dazzling pride as he beamed at his brother, who had just completed his project. Then came the image of Honey sitting next to him, and cut the chain of thoughts, as I threw a pillow against a wall and cursed at myself for letting myself think about him.

Just as I picked up another pillow to launch at the wall, the door bell rang. Checking the time, I raised my eyebrows, wondering who would possibly come to my place at 11:50pm.

I swung open the door, only to find Tadashi there, hands on his knees ,huffing and catching his breath. I couldn't help but let my jaw drop, but then desperately tried to cover my surprise by asking, "what the hell, Tadashi?"

He stood up right, his tall stature looming over me, and looked into my eyes for the first time that night. The usual softness in his brown eyes were taken over by an emotion I had never seen in them before. He kept his eyes locked to mine, as he stepped forward, and stood under the doorway, closing the gap between us.

He lifted my chin, and simply stated, "Let me do this". He then closed his eyes, and slowly leaned in, making my heart run at the speed of light. He moved his hands to cup my cheeks, as his lips found mine.

Our lips fit right into place. Everything felt right. Perfect, even.

He turned me against the wall, and I pushed my body against his, yearning to get closer to him. The years of love and lust that I had held suppressed suddenly burst out, sparking my desire for more.

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Breathless, I pulled back, and once again asked, "what the hell Tadashi?"

He let out a laugh, making my heart leap. "I have so much I need to explain to you, don't I"

And that's how we ended up sat down on the couch, while I looked up at him expectedly, with an awkward silence taking over the atmosphere. He sighed, and looked down at his hands, as he fiddled with his fingers.

"So are you going to tell me about the issues to do with your low key relationship with Honey Lemon?" I interjected sharply, feeling the need to get the question out before it began to eat me inside out.

This caught Tadashi's attention, as his head zipped right up and his eyes bore into mines. "What don't you understand?" Tadashi sighed softly, moving a little closer to me. "Gogo, I made the biggest mistake in my life when I asked Honey Lemon to be my girlfriend. I only realized what I truly wanted when it was too late. So I tried to suppress these feelings and thoughts. Today, when you sat next to me at the cafe, it took everything within me not to take your hand. I couldn't concentrate on a single thing Honey said to me today because my eyes were focused on you. And I now know for certain that I'm in too deep to hide my feelings." He paused.

"Leiko", he said, catching my attention, "I'm head over heels in love with you."

He looked at me, hope captivating his eyes. I had been waiting years to hear those words. Yet, rage was the only emotion that I felt rise within me, as my hands instantly formed a fist.

"And what do you expect me to do now? Fall into your arms and weep about how long I've waited for you to say those words? Did you think I would laugh and confess my feeling for you?" I yelled, shooting up from the seat unexpectedly and glared down at him. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't just let anybody come into my life like that."

"Gogo", he started, but I cut him off.

"Seriously Tadashi. Have you ever considered how I'd felt every time you rolled in here with your sappy problems? Have you ever noticed me leave the room whenever you two were together?"

"I know! I know!" He responded, jumping onto his feet. "I was asking myself the same thing when I was thinking about you tonight, before I decided to come here and to tell you the truth. I also decided to end it with Honey tomorrow, after Hiro's proposal. I promise you, with all my heart."

"I can't let you hurt me anymore, Tadashi!" I yelled, taking a step closer towards him, grabbing his collar, pulling the most threatening look that I could endure.

He paused momentarily. "Why can't you just say you love me too?" He spoke, before he once again, leaned in and kissed me.

I broke off the kiss, and leaned against his chest, taking in everything that'd happened in the few moments. He fell silent, his body growing rigid. I knew that he was right about me.

I pushed him back, and finally spoke, "There's no denying now. Hamada, I love you too", then instantly felt myself wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down to meet his lips.

And we were back at it again, with our desire for each other growing stronger after every kiss, as if we would never have the chance to be with each other ever again. The affections, lust and love that had been suppressed within us was finally set free, as everything began to fall into place.

Little did we know that, in fact, that was gonna be our first and last night together.
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He never got to fulfill that promise he had made.

The next night, after Hiro had been accepted into SFIT, just as I had sworn that nothing could make this day any better, he was taken away from my grip, and the world shattered around me.

He ran into the flaming building, and being the person that he his, he sacrificed himself in an attempt to rescue another life. I had kicked and struggled against those who had held me back, screaming for him to come back.

But I was too late.

He had a small service, in which only his close friends and family mourned his death. Honey Lemon had started her speech, telling us about their happiness as a couple before breaking down into tears. I bit hard on my tongue, trying with all my will to not shout and tell her that I was the one he had loved in the end. For Tadashi's sakes, I kept quiet throughout the service, and simply witnessed as numerous people had told Honey that they were sorry for her loss.

Despite the jealousy and anger that burned within me, I never told anyone about our night together. It wouldn't have been fair on Tadashi, and I couldn't risk losing the friends that I did have.

Exactly a week after his death, it rained like it never had before in San Fransokyo. I sat by the window sill, looking out, letting the feelings break me little by little. That's when I had decided that finally, I had had enough. I got onto my bike and raced to his grave.

Ignoring the raindrops soaking me to my skin, I dropped onto my knees in front of his gravestone. Whimpering, I gently traced my fingers along the cursive letter carvings of his name.

"I need you here, Tadashi. I love you", I whispered, before I broke down into tears, crying against his stone as I cried for the first time since his death.