My Oceans Were Lakes

Alternate ending

Okay guys, so I made an alternate, really sad ending a while ago before I recently updated, and it's this chapter. If you don't want to read the rest of the story, go ahead and read this chapter. If not, skip this one and go to the next one.

"I have made the choice.

The choice between life and death.

I want to live.

I really do.

But.

But, how much longer can I really keep this up? The hate, the threats, the pressure.

I don't want or like my life anymore. I want my old life back. So much. But I can't reverse time, so why live doing something I don't want to do? I love singing, I've finally achieved my dream. I just never thought it would turn out the way it has.

I've met the best friends anyone in the world could have. They made me feel better most of the time, they made the past three years worth living. Those four lads are going to live on and conquer the world for me. I just know it. They'll be bigger than The Beatles could have ever been. They'll live on with their dreams, reaching the top to never come down. One Direction have already taken the world by storm and the four remaining members will make it even bigger.

Greg has helped me so much. Mum and Dad didn't even know about all of this. Neither did the lads. The only one who knew and tried to prevent this, Greg Horan.

He did help me. Every single time I called him, it was because I was about to fall off the edge. He helped me take a step back, to continue living. Looking back, I was so, so selfish to do that. All he ever did was talk about my problems.

And then I had to go and ruin it. The girls showed up outside screaming at Greg's wedding. I don't know if you heard, but Paul walked in on me sobbing in the bathroom of the church.

All my fault.

I'm such a failure.

That's why I have scars showing all over my body. That fucking piece of metal was my release and my way to cope for the past year. Know what's even worse?

I like my scars.

No, I love my scars.

I love the feel, the look of the criss-crossed red and white lines that cover my hips and thighs.

They're beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Another reason for my self harm?

Depression.

I have fallen into the deep pit of darkness and sadness. My life is now in black and white, all or nothing. It's just a swirling pit of self-loathing and blood. Blood dripping from my own body just to make sure I'm alive.

I'm suicidal. I've always wanted to pull the trigger, swallow the pills, tie that noose, jump off of a building, run in front of those cars, or better yet, that train.

But, I've always been too much of a coward.

The pain from the cutting stopped working after a while. So, I would cut deeper. Just a little bit.

Then it stopped working all together.

So, I needed something stronger.

And this is it.

I love you all, whoever you are.

Tell the fans that I love them from the bottom of my heart and they didn't cause this, not one bit. Tell them they helped keep me strong, but it was all too much at once. I love them. Make sure they know that.

Lads, family, I love you so much. You made my life somewhat worth living. Make it known to yourselves that you didn't cause any of this whatsoever.

I love you all so fucking much,

Niall," Sobs were heard from everywhere as the raven haired boy dropped the blood splattered note to the ground.

The one closest to the blonde boy, Liam, was on the ground curled upon himself, sobs racking his body.

Why, they all wondered. They had just arrived home with Andrew to check upon the smallest of the group. Only to find him on the ground in his room, his arms and wrists stained dark red with a puddle surrounding him.

He drowned in his own dark thoughts.

This was his escape, and he took it.