My Oceans Were Lakes

9

Niall

Blurry.

Everything, a big blur, the people around me, a beeping noise, and the scream-wrenching pain in my body.

I only remember one thing; a bang. Everything else is just snapshots, lost within the pain. I trace the sharpness to my left side, below my ribs. A groan is forced from my mouth, scrunching my face up as people around me trip about. My eyes are heavy, but I eventually get them open, watching a girl in a hospital uniform stare at me.

"Hi." I croak out. My voice is scratchy, and my hands are shaking at my sides.

"Uhm, hi. How are you feeling Niall?" her smile is sickly sweet, and she rests her small hand on my foot. My eyes trail from her hand to my abdomen, where it's completely wrapped in white.

"What.. happened?" my hand reaches up to gently hover over the bandages.

"You don't remember?" I shake my head, "You.... Niall, you tried to commit suicide."

And it all comes back.

A tear escapes my eye and runs down my cheek. "I.... failed. No, I failed, no!" I don't remember my hands coming up to cup my face, sobbing softly.

"Niall? Honey, you didn't fail anything. Do you want me to bring your friends in?" my head nods as my hands bury deeper into my face. She disappears and I wipe my eyes, trying to stop the tears. I wait for exactly six minutes, counting down each second on the clock above the door.

"Niall..." the voice trails off as five figures enter the door. The voice, my brain recognizes, is Liam's.

"How are you doing?" Harry asks softly, all of them standing at the foot of my bed. I bite my lip, looking at the fifth person, a girl. I shake my head, pulling the pillow out from under my head and placing it over my face.

"Ni?" Zayn's voice gets closer as his hand is placed on my chest, and it starts rubbing soft circles. I bite my lip, closing my eyes.

"Mates, can we have a second?" shuffling footsteps are heard from the other side of the room, and the door opens and closes. "Niall. Come on, please. I just need to talk to you," he tugs on the pillow slightly and I release it, letting it slip off my face.

"Z. I-I failed." I sob out, glancing over at him. "I feel like shit. I feel..... I feel like a failure."

"Niall, you're not a failure. I love you, the lads love you, your family loves you, millions of people love you. Why... Why did you try?"

"I don't want to talk about this. Not, not right now. Just please leave me alone."