I Promise | A Destiel High School & College AU

CHAPTER 19 - Let Me Sleep

"Don't need no preacher to make us believe that everything's perfectly fucked up like me."
~Sleep Forever by Portugal. The Man

No one had slept a sound sleep since that night. The voice from the tape haunted Dean's thoughts with every waking moment. Castiel was God knows where, probably hurt. Sam was afraid for his life...something Dean promised himself he would never let happen again.

It hurt Dean to think back to how simple things were before - Castiel was home safe, and Sam was only afraid of talking to girls. How could everything change so quickly?

The very fabric of Dean's perfect normal was falling apart, and his hope along with it.

What was he going to do?

He wanted nothing more than to get Castiel back, but if he tried and failed, he'd lose both Castiel and Sam. He would never be able to live through that.

He couldn't lose his brother, or his...his what? Being apart from Castiel made Dean begin to wonder what he felt towards Cas. He knew Castiel loved him, and he knew he loved Cas back, but it's never that simple. If, by some miracle, Castiel is rescued, what will become of the relationship between them?

Sam, Dean, and Benny, after the long drive and exhausting day in Santa Fe, crashed at a motel. Benny took the pullout couch, stubborn and caring person that he is, while Sam and Dean each got their own bed.

The feeling of not having to share a bed usually would've excited Dean, after all the years of living in motel rooms with Sam and his father where there was a limited amount of space. But this time, it felt wrong...out of place. Castiel was supposed to be there, next to Dean as they both drifted off to the sound of each other's steady breath.

Dean would never tell anyone this, except maybe Cas, but he couldn't help but feel that Castiel belonged next to him. When they slept, when they awoke, and when they were doing anything, Dean desired to be close to Castiel. It was comforting.

At night was when worse thoughts came to Dean's mind. Castiel is probably dead. What if the people who took him come after Sam anyway? I can't let anything bad happen to him...never again.

f l a s h b a c k ~
May 2, 1995

"Finally a teenager, Sammy! How does it feel?" Dean shouted from the kitchen, making the final touches to the cake he had spent all day making, and remaking.

"It feels fine, old man!" Sam returned.

"Old man?" Dean questioned. "I'm 17, bitch!"

"Jerk!"

Dean smiled at Sam's response. He always smiled when Sam smiled, and he could hear the grin in Sam's voice. Dean was beyond excited to show Sam that he had made his favorite cake, red velvet with cream, with no help from any cooking book or show. Albeit not so grand to look at, Dean hoped Sam would see it was the effort that counted.

Dean hastily stuck 13 candles in the top of the cake and lit them.

"Alright, Sammy! Prepare to be amazed." Dean said. "After six hours of perfecting this son of a bitch, I finally got-"

Dean stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the door lock click open.

John was home.

Drunk, as always, he struggled to get inside and shut the door. When he turned around, his eyes filled with rage.

"What the fuck is that?" he slurred.

Dean carefully set the cake down on the table. "It's a cake, Dad. It's Sam's birthday. He's 13 now..."