(500) days of phan

The Beach

I never thought it would hurt this much, my whole body is shaking, I feel as if someone has got a knife and torn it down my back. My hands are trembling and my eyes are red and blotchy. I can't do anything; I think I might just sit here on this park bench for eternity.

I make it to the beach in time for 5:00, the sky is peachy orange and the sea is calm and swishing up onto the golden warmed sand. White chairs are laid out facing the sea, a gazebo is set up at the end of the alter, white lily's in bouquets and white candles decorate the aisle. Gentle music plays as I make my way down the beach.

"Dan." I hear my brother's voice. I turn around. He looks so happy.

"Hey." I hug him and give a smile. "This place is pretty nice."

"I know, Suzie did it."

I look at him; people say he looks just like me, apart from the large age difference. He has straight dark brown hair, warm brown eyes and he is just a bit shorter than myself at 6'1. You can tell he is happy through and through, he is smiling wide and his eyes are crinkled in a happy manor.

"I can't believe you came." He smiles. "I didn't think you would."

"No, I was always going to come." I give him another hug. "Good luck bro."

He walks off to go meet some other people. I look around and have no clue who anyone is. I decide to walk down the sea. I can't resist taking off my shoes. My feet run through the sand; it getting in between my toes, the sun is low in the sky and the air is warm, I am pleased with my outfit choice of denim cut offs and a shirt, it's casual but it was the dress code. The waves slowly cress my toes, the ocean water is slightly warm but feel so calming lapping against my skin.

My phone suddenly vibrates in my pocket, I look at it. Text from unknown number.

'Hi Dan, this is Phil, I think this is the number you gave me, erm anyway I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed talking with you this morning, text me back soon? I am beyond bored at this wedding I am taking the photos later but the ceremony hasn't even started. Phi P.S how is your brother's wedding?'

I start to smile. He actually enjoyed talking to me! My fingers quickly text a reply.

'Aw I enjoyed meeting you too, the wedding is ok, I am standing alone trying not to look too socially awkward. Dx'

'Don't worry, I am trying to blend in but I am already on my second round of shots Px'

I give a small laugh. My hands quickly type back

'Ugh we haven't had the ceremony either, I am so jetlagged wbu?'

'I am just sitting down waiting for it to start so I can take these god damn photos and go and sleep for a hundred hours'

'Oh god yes, I want drop to the sand right now, I am so fucking over this, no wonder you get fed up with weddings they take ages.'

'Yes! The last one I went to was stalled by about 2 hours, *yawns* Zzz'

'I don't know how you do it.'

'I just have too'

'well you don't really have too' I quickly reply

'well no but if I want a roof and food I do'

I pause; I shouldn't be getting so personal. I put my phone away in my pocket. I look out at the ocean, the waves roll inshore. The sky is getting darker; it's burnt orange now, bright and vibrant.

My phone vibrates. It's not Phil this time.

'Ceremony's starting, get ur arse up here. Adrian.'

I put on my shoes and make my way back to the gazebo, the place looks really magical, but my mind is on Phil. I can't stop thinking about him.

The ceremony is nice, nice. That's not a very good word is it? It was what it should be, I mean it's my brother's wedding, I am not overjoyed for him since he is 8 years younger than me and he is getting married first.

I look around, my mother is crying, probably everyone is looking emotional. My head swings back to front but I catch a glimpse of black hair. I turn my head back again. Fuck. It's Phil.

I am sure it is blue eyes ghastly white skin.

I see him look in my direction. Shit. I turn back and watch my brother make out with Suzie. Eugh.

Soon everyone starts to crowd to the other gazebo out on the far side of the beach. But I stay behind, and sure enough he does as well.

I watch him stay seated on his white chair. My phone vibrates.

'I can see you J' He looks up and smiles.

I quickly tap a response. 'Me too J'

He stands up and walks towards me. "Hi."

His eyes shine under the moon; I look up at the now deep blue sky. All the starts are shining.

"Hi." I brush my hair out of my face.

"Want to get away?" He smiles and then walks past, his hand brushes against mine, I feel an electric shock.

Suddenly we walk down the shoreline, the waves crashing against the sand; the water looks dark and blue. The smell of salt is in the air.

"Did you um… on the plane, did you mean to sleep like.." I look away out into the distance.

He turns to face me. I stop in my tracks. "Did I mean to sleep with you? Did I mean to rest my head on your neck and intertwine my hand into yours?"

I look at him in the eyes, his eyes so blue, the moon is faintly visible in his pupils. I look down at his lips, so perfect, so small and rosy. Something makes me want to taste them, something makes me want to grab hold of him right now.

"Yes." I breathe.

"Well I can't quite remember can you demonstrate how I held you?" he smiles.

I grab his waist and pull towards him. I hear the sea gently moving out and in, much calmer than the rhythm of my heart: my heart is beating a thousand a minute.

"Here." I whisper in his ear. He twists his neck in, his arms reach around my shoulders, I lean in closer. Suddenly our lips meet.

I feel a burst of something, I kiss him like I want to be kissed, I thrust my tongue down his throat and grab him. I don't let go. He doesn't either.

And then I feel it.

My stomach flips. It's that feeling.

The feeling that you are meant to feel when you have fallen for someone.

That was the night that I did fall for him I fell for Phil under the moon that night, I tasted his salty lips and grabbed his waist. That was the night that I was convinced that he would be the one that was going to make my hopes about love true.