The Tale of the Abysswalker

VII - Old Friend

It is two days after Ciaran kissed me. We've not spoken since. I'm incredibly confused about everything. Why have I started hollowing? Is this part of the flame fading? Or is it because I avenged my parents in that moment I cut through the dragon's neck, and looked at its body? And WHY, why has Ciaran only now started showing her true colours to me. What does she even see in me? I'm a mere swordsman of Lord Gwyn. All I know is swordsmanship.

Maybe she's always had these feelings for me and has only recently given in to them? Accepted them? Suddenly, a chilling realisation settles down on me.

What if this is her way of not hollowing?

If it is, does that mean that if I do not accept her love she will go hollow? God, this is all so hard. As if losing my comrades in that war wasn't bad enough.

"Thou look confused, mine friend. What is it?"

It's Gough. He sits down next to me on the floor. It's always slightly humouring how the ground shakes when he sits down. It's fun having a giant for a friend. I explain everything to him. Ciaran's love for me, Gwyn's worry about the bonfire fading, my blackened feelings. His expression changes drastically throughout the conversation, from looking amused to disturbed.

"Slow down a bit mine friend, so, Ciaran is a woman? And, she hath feelings f'r thou?"

"Marry she dost. I'm still confus'd about it all. This feeling of fear cannot be shook, that this might be her way of not going hollow. What if I doth answer her love? What if I do? Will that mean she hollows if it is her way?"

Gough looks at me confused, "This is the same Ciaran we art talking about, certes? She dost not seem like the type of woman to fret ov'r such things."

"Thou hast not seen her at her weakest, Gough. She collaps'd in mine arms after the war. She is a harden'd warrior, but emotionally she is frail."

Gough stares out in front of him, laying down more comfortably.

"Art thou sure thou doth not also hast feelings f'r her, Artorias? The way thou ran f'r her directly after awakening, yea with thy arm broken... thou seem incredibly troubl'd by all of this."

I haven't wanted to admit it to myself yet, but, Gough's right. Her face will not leave my head. The way her eyes burned their way in to me... the way she looks at me, is the way no-one has ever looked at me before. Should I tell her? But what if that accomplishes her goal and she also starts hollowing? I let out a big sigh.

Gough notices, and gets up. He leaves me with the words "Artorias, I'm not sure about how to help thee with everything ye are going through anon. All I can leave thou with is that whatev'r decision thou make from hither on enchafed, shouldst be thought through. Doth not be rash at this time. If thou ne'd help, find me at the archery."

"Thank thou, Gough. I most certainly will."

Life became really confusing and complicated really fast. All these problems, and still my arm hasn't fully healed. Apparently it was broken to such an extent it's going to take multiple sessions of the Way of White's healing methods to fix it up completely. It really must've been one hell of a crash.

I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. Still sitting on the floor, I look up. It is Ornstein, he's been looking for me. Lord Gwyn wishes to speak with me. Says that it is most urgent that I visit him.

"Thither's ado arising in New Londo, the city built by a quartet that calls themselves the Four Kings."