The Pretend Mute

V

I watched him read the paper in shock. What did he expect? Some sunshine and rainbows crap? Do I look like I used a rainbow as a slide and landed in a pot of gold with a bunch leprechauns?? Because I didn't. I really, really didn't. I didn't look at the sun this morning and think, "I want to smile a smile as bright at the sun all day!" No. I woke up this morning and looked at the clouds and thought, "huh. It matches my life." And it's true. It's raining and ugly outside, here in Rhode Island. I hate it. It only reminds me of how awful my life is. Especially since the ceiling in my room leaks at the orphanage and we can't afford to fix it yet. That would require me to get a job and actually bring in money. But I can't  get a job because I don't speak. But Alex does. It's so annoying. Hey Kira, did you hear about that kid that was smoking in the bathrooms and tried to get off by saying he was trying to put out a fire? Do I look like I care about some stupid kid? No. I don't. Because I don't care about someone else's business. Maybe because it doesn't concern me. And I'm not very good at gossipping, seeing as I don't talk. "You don't care do you?" I shook my head vigorously, and he chuckled. "Sorry, I'm not used to having one-sided conversations..but hey, it's always fun to try something new, right?" You sound like an idiot. Why did I tell this chatterbox moron anything? Like anything? At all? Because I'm stupid, that's why! But all of the sudden, he sobers up. "Does it hurt for you to talk? Is that why you stopped after the accident? Or was it because you were traumatized?" I was shocked. Five seconds ago, this kid was being an idiot and talking about some dumb kid trying to get away with smoking in the bathroom, and now he is asking me about the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I pulled out a pen, and he pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. I hate using pens, or really anything other than wooden pencils; you can feel the words coming out of you with a wooden pencil, but with lead pencils and pens, it just glides along. You can't feel the words leaving you. Plus it smudges really bad. It hurts, but honestly it's not bad enough to keep me from talking. I don't talk because I don't want people to notice me. I don't want to get close to anyone, for fear that I'll lose them too. "Oh. I get it, but I noticed you. So I guess your beauty outmeasures your silence." Shut up; Alex, you sound like a lovestruck idiot that's been dating someone for two years. It's gross. "Sorry, didn't know you'd be so annoyed by a simple compliment." It's not like that; I just can't believe things like that. I don't think they're true; I mean, this isn't even my face! This is a puzzle that was missing several pieces and they forced them to fit together. It's ridiculous that you could find something like this so beautiful. "What about your hair? It's long and black, beautiful. Your eyes? They're red, purple, green, orange, and blue. They are unique, and they are gorgeous. You have long eyelashes, and when someone speaks to you, you look up through them. You look beautiful. I bet that if you spoke, it would be the most beautiful sound I'd ever hear. And most of all? You. Your mannerisms. You are fragile, seeming as though you could be broken with one simple word. You show that you are in pain; you don't try to hide it. You do everything with determination, with focus beyond comprehension. You are absolutely beautiful. And I truly believe that."
Thanks for the complement, but that stuff is not true. I'm sorry, but I'll see you later. I balled up the paper and threw it away on the way out of class. I started walking towards seventh period, my favorite class. Creative arts. Photography, art, and creative writing. I walked into class smiling, the first person in the room. Miss Holly looked up. "Kira! How are you today?" I smiled even bigger, giving away my excitement to be in my favorite class. "I'm glad you're excited for today, we're doing photgraphy!" She told me this yesterday, but no big deal. She gets so excited that she forgets she told me things. Then Alex walked in the door, causing my smile to fade slightly. This was a small class, only open to people with high grade averages, and you could be kicked out of the class if your other grades got too low. There were only eight people in this class. I raised my hand and Moss Holly smiled, "yes Kira?" I made the motion of a camera, then pointed at the door. I left it in my locker. She told me I could go, and when I returned, there were only six of us, including me. The other two, Libby and Austin, were probably off making out in a stairwell. I was friends with them before the accident, and they have been dating for about two years. "Okay guys, we'll be working with partners today! It's all about nature. We're going to go outside and take pictures, and then your partner will edit them to their liking. You do have a say though; if you hate what they do, they have to fix it."
Of course. Partner work. Since when did Miss Holly hate me too?