Helpless

Chapter 8: Birthday from Hell

Beep. Beep. Beep. Be...

I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock and slowly sit up. It's my birthday today. And not only my birthday, but my thirtieth birthday. I shutter. This is going to be an interesting day. At least I got to sleep in until... I look at the clock, ugh it is only 7 am. Why the hell am I awake right now?

I look to my right and notice that Conner is nowhere to be found. His side of the bed is pretty cold which means that he must have gotten up awhile ago. I hope to God that he is in a good mood today. Not just for my sake, but for my children's sake too. It would really suck monkey nuts if his temper ruined our day.

I consider my birthday my kids' birthday too. I always get them some presents because Conner is usually in a good mood, or at least pretends to be, so why not celebrate and let the kids have some fun too. I got Macy a new pair of shoes that she has been begging me to get her for like a month now. For an eleven year old, she sure is addicted to shoes. I bought Logan a skateboard because he told me the other day that all eight year old's have one now. I gave in, but I am a nervous wreck. I try to protect my babies from as much as I can so they don't know what it feels like to hurt. Eventually I will have to let them go so they know how to take care of themselves, but I still have time before that happens. And lastly, I got Hudson a new Lego set. He is obsessed with them, and I can't say that I mind playing with them either.

I decide that I have stalled long enough, so I get up, get my robe, and head downstairs. As I am walking down the stairs, I silently pray that Conner will be in a good mood.

As I round the corner, I hear Hudson talking to his father, "Can we pleeeaaassse go and get mommy yet? She has been sleeping for hours." I chuckle at his little voice. It still makes me sad to realize that he will be my last baby ever.

"No," Conner grumbles. "Let her sleep. She needs it." To anyone else, this would sound like a loving husband who cares for his wife. But I know better. His short, choppy sentences show that he too is aggravated that I am not up yet. He always gets like this when he has to take care of the kids when someone else isn't around. I sigh before walking into the kitchen.

"Mommy!" all three of my children shout before tackling me in a group hug. I smile and kiss all of their heads mumbling a quick good morning. I look up at my oh-so-loving husband.

"Good morning, Conner," I say in hopes of my kindness lifting his mood. He barely looks at me before saying he will be upstairs and hastily walking out of the kitchen.

I smile down at my kids. "Who's hungry?"

***

Once noon hits, I head out to meet Ben and Nora for lunch at Olive Garden. Yes, Olive Garden is probably my favorite restaurant ever that's not extremely overpriced. I sometimes go and get a bunch of bread sticks to bring home before I pick up the kids from school.

I enter the restaurant and scan the tables to see if I can spot my two friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Ben's arms flailing about like a crazy person. I hurriedly walk to the table with my head down and my cheeks blazing. He is so embarrassing.

"Would you quit it?" I yell at him quietly. "People are staring at you like you belong in a mental hospital!" I laugh at his ridiculousness. Leave it to Ben to always bring a smile on my face, no matter how tough things get at home.

Nora giggles, "He does belong in a mental hospital." Ben looks at her with an appalled expression. He can't even deny it because he starts laughing right along with us.

My friends are the two most important people in my life, aside from my kids. They always can make me smile even when I am down. "Okay, I am ready to order!" I say excitedly. I rarely get to just have lunch with my friends. It is very rare now-a-days. Between trying to please Conner and trying to take care of the kids, I barely have time to take care of myself. It is exhausting being a mother. But more so, it is exhausting to be married to an abusive monster.