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Chapter 12

"You fucking didn't..."Liz says shaking her head in disapproval as I narrate the events of the previous evening. I nod and she sighs.

"Wait till Sher hears about this or Monet...brilliant fucking brilliant!" she exhales and I am looking at the white tablecloth of the breakfast table embarrassed and confused.

"Tell me at least that he made you come" she whispers leaning towards me.

"Liz cut it out...I...completely lost it..I don't know...I just couldn't do it" I confess still unable to look straight at her.

"And may I ask why not? There are literally millions of women who masturbate to his pics and come by the sound of his voice and you had him right there and you...and you...you left like ...like left and he was like just right there ...naked ...naked" she says in frustration gesticulating wildly.

"I know...I feel so awful..." I try to explain.

"I feel awful and I wasn't even there" she puffs out as if surrendering. She grabs her organic soya thing and takes a sip.

"What are you going to do Ashley...we still have the video?" she asks the million dollar question.

I shake my head as I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I can't see him after that, after being so intimate with him. After seeing me in such a vulnerable state...

"No, no, no...I'm not doing this alone. I haven't prepared for your part...Ashley we are shooting this thing today, you can't honestly ..." she says when she notices my pleading eyes.

"Elizabeth..." I try my best but she won't have it.

"No Ashley! You need to step the fuck up and do your thing. We came here to do this. Don't let your insecurities or whatever the hell is going on in your head to prevent you from doing your job" she states a bit harshly and I realize that indeed I need to do just that.

I am already talking with the director going over the script when I see him enter the room where the shoot will take place. I watch in slow motion as he approaches me fearless with his black outfit grabbing my arm leading me outside. The director is stunned by his attitude. I am following him unable to think straight, unable to evaluate the situation. Once we are out I can't even look at him as embarrassment crawls in remembering what happened the previous night of how I picked up my clothes from the floor in record time got dressed in the tiny corridor and just ran away leaving him very much naked, aroused and puzzled.

"Ashley..." his voice so much softer than his actions.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Harry...I'm so sorry" I keep repeating like a broken record before I finally look at him shaking my head. I have no words to describe how mortified I am at this moment. I can feel my eyes water just because I realize how much I hurt him although this was so not his fault. The rejection he must have felt right after we...He is not to blame that I have this baggage. I am a psychology professor; I know exactly what this is...me sleeping with someone else while still not really accepting the loss of Jason, well it felt like I was cheating on him. Sleeping with Harry made him feel like less important. I know I have all these thoughts messing with my head but I need to tell him, to let him know that he has been sweet and sexy and it didn't have anything to do with him but how am I going to explain all this when we are only minutes from starting the shoot and ...and him looking so freaking hot isn't helping me at all.

"Ashley...It's OK. It's OK love. Don't worry...It's fine" he comforts me with his soothing words as he moves closer letting go of my arm only to pull me to him using his fingers to brush my hair back so that he can see my face, my eyes. His emerald green ones meet my chestnut and I am confused, I am mystified, I am lost in them. He leans in and I instinctively and thoughtlessly do the same, as if the previous embarrassing night had never occurred, erased from history. I halt for a moment and he dives in, no reluctance. Dear Lord... his mouth is sinful. Those plump lips touch mine as his huge hands hold my head close to him. His lips... rose petals against mine, his tongue caressing mine evoking a warmth that gives me no option but to moan. My breathing accelerates and my heartbeat is playing Tiesto's Traffic. He pulls me closer and closer leaving absolutely no space between us continuing his sweet assault in my mouth without receiving a single complain. He wants this and I want it, I can't define what it is exactly but I am on fire by his touch, his mouth, his tongue. Like the Greek mythical creature of Lethe, he makes me forget about everything, about where we are, about J, about Anzette, about age, about everything. All I can feel at this moment is that I shouldn't have left him last night.