Unaddressed Letters

Chapter 3

Unaddressed Letters Chapter 3

The movie dragged on and on, and the only reason that I wasn’t completely stressed and hating it was because I could still feel little droplets of blood emerging to the surface of my skin. The feeling just made me feel like I was floating in the clouds, a shower following close behind, but my skin soaking in the harmful rays of the sun. Cutting was like my drug, I was addicted and I felt relieved once I did it. I was so addicted that I got withdraws if I go three, or even two, days without it, and it takes over my entire body.

But at the current moment, my body was in full bliss, taking all the happiness from the newly forming scars. Pain triggered through my stomach at every little movement, but the emotion was happiness, not anger. The pain was like a medicine, fed to me through a knife, digging into my goose-bump coated skin. The way the razor glides freely along my skin, chipping off centimeter after centimeter of my layered skin, leaving nothing behind.

The movie was still running, though from previous experience from watching this movie, the ending was near, and then I would be free to be alone. And as I suspected, the credits rolled and Lyle clicked the screen off, rolling so he was on his side. He cocked his head up by putting his outstretched arm underneath him and then looked me in the eyes. “So, what do you want to do now?”

Are you kidding me? He still wants to hang out? Plan B, here I come. “Well, I’m a little tired, and I feel bad that you stayed here with me when you could be partying with your girlfriend. Go with her and hang out, have some fun, I’m just gonna go to sleep.” Before he even had the chance to speak I moved positions so that I had my head on the pillows and my blankets wrapped around me, keeping in the warm air and moving around the cold.

He didn’t seem to find this action all too convincing. “Sara’s already probably drunk; there’d be no fun right there. Come on, just one more movie please?” Lyle looked down at me using his puppy dog eyes, I just averted my vision. “Just one more, pwease?”

That’s how I found myself sitting up in bed five minutes later, about to press play. Mean Girls was now inserted into the DVD player, as I forced Lyle into watching it. But then, I felt a sharp pain on my stomach, and I looked down to see Lyle laying his head right on my stomach. I flinched as he angled his head to see the television more. I excused myself and ran to the bathroom, a little red soaking through my shirt. I went to go brush my teeth, then I used my plan.

“SHIT!” I screamed, hearing Lyle scramble from his place.

“Linds, what happened?” Lyle’s worried voice screamed through the door, him banging on it.

“I just got water on my shirt. Could you please just hand in another one? Second top drawer, give me the blue one.” He knocked again, and I went to go grab the shirt through the sliver of the door that was cracked open. If he saw the collection of blood, I’d be dead. I slipped on the shirt after the door was firmly closed and locked. I then cleaned my wounds, they were almost done bleeding, just a few droplets slipping out every once in a while.

Before I went back to my room, I stared at myself in m mirror. The sight was beautiful, well to me it was. There I was, looking back at myself in just a bra, my stomach concaved, hip bones protruding, ribs poking through my flesh, and blood drying up. To others, this sight must have been disturbing, but to me, it was amazing. It was a beautiful feeling. I love it all. So I walked back into my room, a smile etched onto my face as I made it over to my bed and just relaxed and watched the movie roll.

Once it was over, it was nearing one am, so that meant that Ly would be leaving any second. But of course, that didn’t happen. Instead, he decided to sleep over. And as for my family, they were never home to care, well, except my sister, but she knew nothing would happen between us. We were just friends, and besides that, he has a girlfriend.

The night was uneventful, I just tried my best to keep away from him, so he wouldn’t be able to see if any blood leaked through my shirt. It was a success, but when I woke up it might be harder.

Dear Lyle,

I know you act like you care and all, but I don’t get why. I’m nothing special. Nobody should care about me, whether I’m here or not. Soon enough, you’ll know how it feels like not to care. I mean, honestly, why should you care what happens to me? Go spend some time with Sara; I know you two will always be together. It’s so obvious she hates me, and that’s because she thinks I’m a threat. I’m really not though, I only like you as a friend, a best friend, but without me, nothing will threaten your relationship. You’ll be the happiest couple, the prom queen and king. You’re made for each other, but nobody’s made for me. I will miss you, but don’t miss me.

Lindsy