Anthropophobia

Scars

Warning: Self-harm + depression

Jack's POV:

I woke up next to, no, on the chest of a shadowy figure, with hair all over it's face. I stretched all the muscles in my body tight. My heartbeat went faster. Millions of thoughts ran trough my head. Number one: Who is this? Number two: Is he or she gonna hurt me? Number three: Why am I lying on the smooth, warm and comfortable chest of this-?
Wait a second!
I blinked a few times and the blurred lines became clearer. Raven-black hair, a haircut, which wasn't really a haircut. Peaceful smile. Mark. He was so cute while he was sleeping. Snoring quietly. I giggled.

I tried to stand up and nearly escaped from his grip. He groaned and tried to pull me back. "Shhh! It's just a dream!", I whispered and he let go. I smiled. Time for my 'morning routine'. I went to the bathroom and opened my first aid kid. I pulled out a little razor blade and looked at it in the mirror. "Hello, my friend.", I said depressed. "I knew, I forgot our 'date' yesterday. I smiled despondently. Luckily, Mark was sleeping and wouldn't notice anything.

숏숏숏 Flashback 숏숏숏

I sat on the couch with my mom, while dad was sitting on an extra chair, I brought to the living room. "You wanted to tell us something, sweetheart." She smiled and caressed my back. "I don't have much time.", he growled. My dad. The 'manliest' man on earth. No, of the universe! I was afraid of him, not of my mom. "I, I was really confused in the last months. And I, I know now that, that I'm different." "You don't want to tell me that you're bisexual, do you?", he said angrily. He couldn't even think about, that I was gay. Couldn't even imagine. How sad."Please honey. Let our boy finish his speech." I gulped heavily. Had a big knot in my throat. "No. I'm not." I gulped one more time, "I'm gay!" My dad's eyes widened, like he had seen a ghost. "You're kiddin' me, right?" He was obviously drunk. "No I'm not kiddin', I'm really-" A slap in my face. "You. Are not my son anymore!" I was shocked. He ran out of the room. "I can't believe it! My son is gay!" "Dear!" My mom shouted and ran after him. And I was sitting alone on the couch. Crying like I had never before.

숏숏숏 End of flashback 숏숏숏

I looked at my wrist and then in the mirror. You can do it today. "I'm straight. Men are unattractive. Women are sexy." I came this far every time. But today something was different. Mark. "I don't lo-love M-" I couldn't do it, so I cut my left wrist.

It's my punishment. That's my excuse. Everytime. The warm blood pouring out made me feel comfortable. And yes. A little bit normal. Hearing the blood drops falling to the ground was almost meditation. It was a sound, which was familiar. I knew this sound so well. And I didn't want to miss it. You are so wretched. I started crying, tears falling on my wrist, mixing with my blood. From the elbow to the wrist. I smiled depressed. That's the only door you can take. Your emergency exit door.

"Jack?", I heard Mark asking from the living room. I, surprised that he was awake, hurried with cleaning up everything. "Ja-hack?" I sneaked into my bedroom, pulling a sweater with long sleeves out of the closet. I put my left arm in it and went to Mark. "Nice stomach", he smiled and yawned. I blushed. "You have a nice..." I looked down Mark's body. No naked part. "...Face?" He laughed. "Thanks for the...compliment?" "I know, I'm the best!" He kissed my belly button, sending shivers down my body. "I love you Jack." "I love you-" I stopped. "I, I love you too."

"Jack...? May I ask you something." I nodded. "When did you know you were gay?" I became nervous. "What?" "When did you know, that you like boys?" "What? Are you serious?" My voice was shrill. Brittle. "Is, is that bad? Why are you asking me this?" His eyes widened. "Jack?" I began feeling weak, my legs buckled. "You are like my dad...You hate me." "Jack..." "You are all the same. You don't even love me. You just don't." "Jack, stop." "I'm gay. I'm different. I'm not like you. That's bad." My heartbeat became faster. "Jack, please..." He grabbed my wrist. "Kill me." "Jack?" "Come on. Kill me." "Jack. I will not kill you." "Please just kill me. That's what you want to hear. I just got it. That's what you want." "Jack. Please just stop." " YOU ALREADY KILLED ME INSIDE! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Silence. My voice was shaking. Hands clenched to a fist. Mark sat up.

"Jack. Have a seat. Please." I sat beside him and he snuggled into my shoulder. "I love you Jack." I cried. "Shhhh. Everything will be alright." I just cried. And it felt so right.

Soooo. This was a really serious chapter, wasn't it? I was hurting myself, not long time ago. But I stopped, because of my friends and family. Self-harm is a bad thing. It doesn't make you feel better. So, if you are hurting yourself, please stop. Your family and friends are always behind you. They love you.

Anyways. Hope you liked that chapter. And I will see you in the next chapter. (00:31 AM)
ByeBye