A Lifetime For Jannah

Stuck with nowhere to go (II)

"Where are you going?" Yasmeen asked Imran who was searching for his shoes.

"Out. I'll be back later. Assalamu Alaikum!." He said before leaving the house. Yasmeen had recently been studying Imran's behaviour. Something was up. He sure looked down in the mouth. But she wasn't going to bother him over an issue unknown to her. She'd just wait until he was ready to speak to her. They always confided in each other. They've always been like two flowers sharing one root. They bloom together, Wilt together. They share a bond that can never be tampered with, trust that can never be broken and love that will never fade.

Sure they have the bad times. They quarrel, they fight over big and small things as little as snatching a pen. But isn't that family? Today we're joking, laughing and playing and the next day we're using one another as a punching bag.

On other days we fight those who fight our loved ones. All for the sake of love. A blessing granted to us by the Creator of the emotion itself. Allah.

Imran drove to the park, where he normally used to go for peace and solace, away from problems of this world that seem to never dissolve.

He always had a peaceful spot in the park where he'd just lay on the soft green grass and face the heavens. Pondering over Allah's creation and forgetting the things going on around him.

He knew since he last visited mum things have been been different. He was sure Yasmeen was worried about him but he wasn't going to let her worry over his worries, trouble herself because of him. She has already been through a lot.

Since her ex-fiance broke up their engagement, things have been different even though she's gradually improving. After she came home from the gathering, she's been different. But good different. She's been bubbly and vivacious. Although he didn't miss the moments when she'd stare out the window with a distant look in her eyes.

Imran on the other hand was facing problems with his mother. Every time he visited she'd constantly remind him of marriage.

I don't want to leave this world without seeing my grandkids. How hard is it to find a wife. If you don't get one, I'll do it myself...she always chided. As if finding his other half was his doing. As if he was the one to choose. Don't we all follow Qadr? To wait and be patient? For what Allah had willed will happen. Even if he had two choices, a good wife and the bad. Even if he chose the good one, if Allah had willed for him to end up with one who has no shame, no matter how hard he tries to avoid it; how long, even if it's take a lifetime there's no undoing it. There's no way he'd go about it. He's destined for her and she, him.

And Allah only wants that which is best for us. And what Allah plans is that which is best for the believer. He could end up loving the latter, and he could change her and show her Islam's beautiful ways.

What if he ended up with the good one as he wished? She could've shown him her true colours after marriage.

So why couldn't his mother just understand? That all this was up to Allah. She'd made him oblige to that which he didn't want. She had prevented him form arguing the toss. You are to marry Hafsa and that's final!. The words still lingered in his ears, forced to remember the situation every second of each day.

Hafsa wasn't his type. She wasn't at all what he searched, what he wanted in a spouse. This was to be his other half! Why of all the fishes in the sea, did it have to be Hafsa?

Perhaps because of the tight relationship between She and Hafsa's mum. Allahu aalam.

Whatever the reason might be. He just hoped, that she'd have a change of heart.

* * *

It's been an hour since Habib and I have been locked up. We hadn't spoken to each other, but our eyes met on several occasions. The atmosphere was starting to cool down from its previous tense nature. I don't know about him, but that's how I felt.

I found some pretty interesting books and when I tried to read one, I got too distracted.

I don't know how I feel at the moment. Angry, scared, hurt? You could it was a mixture of them all wrapped up in one.

"How's Australia?" He asked, breaking the silence I forgot we held. I guess he was fed up with the whole awkwardness too. When I didn't answer. He looked down again.

"I am extremely sorry, Fadeelah, for everything." He apologised, his eyes trained on the ground. When I still didn't utter a word, he continued.

"I am very aware of what I did. If I had the chance to go back in time and change everything I assure you I would. But I can't. I apologise almost destroying your innocence. For almost leaving you ruined. I apologise if merely looking at me brings back hurtful memories. If I was the reason for your currently failed relationship with your family. I'm sorry you had to be the one who had to bear the brunt of our problem." He said as he wiped a stray tear. "What I can't apologise for is breaking our relationship. To be honest, Fadeelah, it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. For because of it, I found something so amazing, most precious to my heart. I found Islam. Without it, astaghfirullah, who knows the wrongs I'd have fallen into. My life would have been ruined. A mere soul that was living but wasn't alive. I would have spent the rest of my days chasing nothingness, chasing the adornments of a world that will perish, that will be rolled up like a mat. A world where everything we have isn't ours, where pride is our personality and money, our best friend. I know I should have apologised earlier. I should have made amends earlier, but we both know what we did was wrong and it was Allah's way of testing us. And through his test I was able to turn back to him, to repent to him. I've held this guilt for two years and I'm glad that Allah blessed me with another opportunity of meeting you, and this time in person. So I beg you, forgive me."

I was overwhelmed by his whole speech. I was speechless. He pulled no punches and laid it all on the line. I didn't know what to feel, my mouth left agape, shocked by the whole thing. I just couldn't comprehend.

I couldn't stop gazing at him. Not a word in the word could describe what I felt at the moment. Still surprised, he was probably feeling anxious under my heated gaze.

Finally the door got unlocked. It was Rashid.

"What are you gu..." he started but I didn't care to listen as I dashed out of the room, unable to grasp what had just happened in there.

I went downstairs where I met my parents and grandaunt engaging in what seemed like a heated conversation.

"Fadeelah!" They called in unison, stupified by my sudden appearance.

"We have something important to tell you." Said mum giving a worried countenance.

Stifling a tear, I was able to silently ask "What is it?"

"Sit." Commanded dad.

"We've come to a desicion to..." said dad unable to complete what he started.

"To get you and Habib engaged." Grandaunt stated, completing the sentence.

It felt like someone repeatedly kept on stabbing a dagger in my heart.

"What?" I whispered. I couldn't say more, I was dumbfounded. I was...I was...

I didn't realize my legs were slowly paving their way towards the door, and before I knew it, I had run out of the house.

Remember to always put your trust in Allah, regardless of your situation.

But He abandoned me.

He loves us more than a mother can love her child.

But He has never done good to me.

He knows what's best for His slave.

But he left me to suffer.

"I love you Amal!"

"I love you too Fadee..."

I was lost, hurt, confused and angry. I felt numb, still unable to comprehend the whole situation. I kept on running, with no destination whatsoever in mind. I didn't realize I had crossed a green light until I saw a car coming my way in full speed.

And in a brief second, all I saw was black.