The Closeted Soul

Right After

*^trigger warning: Some suicidal tendencies and parental abuse^*
That's how it happened. That's how I died. Just kidding. I didn't die but i did end up in the hospital. Apparently my mom had found me in the bathtub drowning in my own blood. Fun, right?        Anyways when I woke up my mind was in a haze. I could see but everything was a little blurry. I looked down and I saw that i was in a hospital bed. I looked at my arm to see needles and IVs. There were also stitches in my wrist from where I had cut.
  "Lillian Rose?" a young doctor said and walked into the room.
"yes?" I mumbled and rolled my eyes. I absolutely despised that name.
"I'm Dr. Blake. How are you feeling?"
"I'm perfectly fine considering I am in a hospital for attempted suicide." I replied and smiled.
"I can see you aren't happy. Do you want anything or need anything?"
"Get me out of here. That's all I want."
"Dont worry. You'll be out of here soon. Anyways, we're going to have someone from our mental health department give you an assessment. They'll make sure you're okay to leave and then you can go." I just nodded. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially a doctor.
      A young lady doctor walked into the room and asked me lots of questions on how I was feeling. Of course i lied and told her i was feeling fine. I lied to every single question she asked. I saw no reason to tell her the truth if she was just going to lock me in the looney bin.
After the assesment, the doctors said i was free to go. They thought i was fine. They gave me some medication to help me "calm down" but i knew it wouldn't work. Those things never really do. They just give the poor parents of these delusional children some relief.  Because the parents are definitely innocent right?
I walked out the door of the hospital and saw my mother flirting with a doctor, who was smoking right outside. Of course my mom would be flirting with someone right after her daughter got out of the hospital. Shows how much she cares.
*cough cough* "Oh your back. Great. Let's go. I was getting bored from waiting on your sorry ass." My mom spoke in a cold tone, annoyance written clearly on her face. I just rolled my eyes and nodded. We drove back to the house in silence, neither one of us wanting to talk to the other. When we finally got there I went strait upstairs. I slammed the door and turned on music. Stressed Out by Twenty-One Pilots blasted through my headphones and I closed my eyes. I was actually starting to doze off when my mom crashed through the door.
"Get your lazy ass downstairs for dinner." she screeched. I didn't reply, I just shook my head no and continued listening to my music.
"You fucking ungrateful bitch. You are so fucking disrespectful and I wish you were never even born." She spit at me and slammed my door shut after storming out. I turned my music up even louder, got out my sketchpad, and started to draw. Drawing was a sense of relief for me and I definitely needed relief.
I drew my feelings and when I had finished my masterpiece, I smiled. A boy stared at me from the other end of the photo. He was wearing a binder and he was crying. His shirt was tight and you could see his ribs. You could tell that he hadn't eaten for weeks. This boy was me. I gazed at my self portrait but felt something missing.
It was probably just his dull eyes and skinny stomach that made me feel uneasy. I knew I was fat compared to him. I weighed about 92 pounds and I was guessing he weighed about 78, my goal weight. Either way, he was a masterpiece and I was proud. I hung the sketch on my wall and layed down. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day. I  layed there for about 3 hours before finally drifting asleep. This didn't give me relief but it was the closest to death that I would get for now.

*^A/N^*
Do you guys like it so far? I think its okay. I've been going through a lot lately which is why I haven't updated. Im going to try to start updating everyday if possible.
Please keep reading. I promise it will get better.
Keep enduring.
Love,
=^•^= Leo~