No Son of Mine

Knowledge Is Power

!WARNING!~ This chapter has mentions of child spanking but does not pertain in a sexual way. You've been warned.

August 4, 1986

Daddy didn't come home for two whole days. I was scared. I thought that he had took Sammy and left, but he didn't. When they got back I didn't feel too good. My tummy and head hurt and my eyes were scratchy, but when I told daddy he just said that I was being a baby and it was probably from all my crying. Sammy was in a good mood, but I think that was because Daddy took him to an amusement park and he got to go on all the rides. I was a little mad that Sammy got to go do all those fun things while I had to stay at the motel all alone for two days, but when Daddy overheard me telling Sam to not rub it in because it was unfair Daddy spanked me and said that Sammy got to do those things because he had been a good boy. He told me that I was being naughty and that I needed to be punished. I knew that he was right, I made Bobby hate us, after all, so I tried my best not to cry when he took me over his knee, but I couldn't stop a few tears. When he was done he didn't say anything but the look on he still looked mad after, so I went to the chair in the corner and sat down, even though it hurt really badly.

That was a couple of days ago. My backside is still sore from the spanking but I don't really pay attention to it. Dad's been really angry lately, and he yells a lot. Mostly at me. I've tried to tell him that I am sorry for everything but that just seems to make him madder, so I mostly just stay out of his way and make sure that Sam isn't doing anything that he shouldn't be. It isn't too hard when Dad spends most of his time with Sammy. It makes me sad to see Daddy and Sammy having such a good time all the time, but I know I ruined everything and Daddy's just trying to keep Sammy happy so he doesn't cry all the time. I miss Mommy. And I miss Uncle Bobby, but that's just between the two os us. Daddy says that missing people is stupid because it doesn't bring them back. I think that's silly though, because he misses Mommy, doesn't he? He has too. I know it.

P.S. I like writing, but I don't know if I'm any good at it. My last teacher, Mrs. Bradley, says I was 'troubled', whatever that means, but I don't think she thought I was a very good learner. I didn't really like her very much. She only chose the cool kids for things and made the rest of us feel dumb. I'm going to try to do this to show her that I can too do school stuff just as good as the cool kids.

(Don't tell anyone, but I stuck my bad finger up at her when she wasn't looking. I don't know for sure what it means but all the big kids in my school giggle and laugh when someone does it and I've seen them get in trouble for it too, so it must not be a good thing to do. Plus, I saw Dad put it up at a mean guy that cut us off on the road one time. I think it means that you're not happy with that person, but I'm not real sure. I'll have to ask some of the big kids at my next school.)

D.W.

Dean only had limited knowledge and it was knowledge that was tampered by unhesitating trust, honest innocence, and youth.

It was those around him that had the upper hand. It was those around him that chose to keep most knowledge from him while stretching the other stated facts until it wasn't really knowledge any more, it was a lie. It was how Dean learned that he had somehow ruined the Winchester family's relationship with their one and only close friend Bobby Singer. It was how he learned that if he did something marginally wrong he would be severely punished for it, but for whatever wrongdoings his brother did, there would be no consequences. It was also how he learned that the previous knowledge was correct and it was how things were for older and younger brothers all around the world. With such a limited input of knowledge or resource to acquire more, he had no way of knowing, of understanding, that things were not as they should be. Sure he knew that things were skewed from what they had been before,- before they had left Bobby's house, before John had come back from a hunt injured and grouchy, before even their mother had died- but he couldn't stop and say that things were wrong. He couldn't stop to say that things weren't right with their family, more than usual, because if he did he'd be reprimanded until it was in his head that his superiors knew more, would always know more, and the way things were right now, were the way things should be.

It was like giving a rat two choices: a cookie or a carrot. If he went for a cookie he was shocked with electrical currents. If he went for a carrot he was reprieved from any pain and got the food free of suffering. Eventually the rat's going to realize that the cookie isn't worth the pain it takes to acquire it and go straight for the carrot.

Dean knew his brother and he knew his father. He also knew enough about hunting to make him feel comfortable with the subject. It suited him just fine to not know anything else if his father deemed it unnecessary.

August 12, 1986

I'm pretty sure I started school around this time last year, but Daddy says we don't have time for school. He says that it's too dangerous and he needs me to stay and protect Sammy when he's out saving people . I don't want Sammy or my dad to get hurt, so I don't really mind. Plus other people are getting saved, and the more people that Dad saves, the less ghosts I'll have to worry about haunting me later on. It feels nice to finally be doing something that makes Dad smile instead of yell. And it feels really good to play with Sam and make him laugh.

Dad left for a couple of hours yesterday and came back all bloody. I tried to help him but he just shook me off and told me that he was fine. I followed him to the bathroom but he slapped me across the face and then went into the bathroom. He hit me for the first time ever in my life, and it wasn't a spanking. My cheek hurt really badly and there was a big red mark. I didn't know why he hit me. I don't think I did anything wrong. Dad usually has me help him when he's hurt but this time he must've been in too bad of a mood or something. After that I waited for him to come out of the bathroom and played with Sam to make sure that he didn't make Dad any more mad. He came out after a long time but he was clean so I knew he was going to be ok if he was hurt. He didn't look at me but he called Sammy and they both left for a couple of hours again. Every time they come back Sam's all hyper and jittery but Dad says it's just because he ate a lot of candy or soda or sometimes even ice cream and the sugar gets to his little body. I'm get really jealous when they go out together but I realized that they only go out when I've been naughty, so I've been doing everything I can to not be naughty anymore. It's worked so far, but I don't know how long it's going to last. I guess I just got to get used to it.

D.W.