Avengers/Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes One Shots (Open for Requests)

#Bucky: Candles

#Bucky Barnes X Reader requested by perfectisntpretty

Trigger: Self-harm, suicide

Request Idea: Bucky comes in time to save reader after they've passed out.

It had started a year ago. All the troubled thoughts that weighed down at you silently, slowly igniting you from within as you pretended everything was fine.

It was a strange illness, you realised. There were days when you had felt like the most joyous person on earth. You laughed with Clint, chuckled when Bruce blushed around Natasha, snickered when Thor picked a fight with Tony...The list went on, and they were like family to you.

Yet there were times when suddenly, the sun no longer showed mercy, the stars at night no longer shone for you. You would sit in the corner of your room at the Avengers' Tower, locking yourself away, listening to sad soundtrack and drawing circles on your notebook.

Then, things got worse. Circles became bolder and darker. You found no way out except for those little blades. At first you were hesitant. As a Shield agent, you risked your life everyday to save people's life. But cutting yourself and letting blood out? It was like deliberately killing yourself. In another way, it was like surrounding to the darkness, which was one thing that you never did as an agent.

But you couldn't see a way out. You promised yourself that the cuts were only going to be shallow and light. Though the scars remained, and you drew more and more blood every time.

Bruce was the first one to notice. He frowned when he caught glimpse of your scars. Panicked, you pulled away in silence. "Y/N?" Bruce spoke up softly but you shook you head.

"Please, Bruce. Let this stay between us."

The scientist pondered and alas, he gave in and nodded. "I'll be here if you need talking to," he added, earning a hug from you.

But the two of you would never have thought that you would come to this end, when you decided to give in to the stirring demons within you. The bathroom was suffocating with steams as you filled the bath tub with hot water. Wiping another tear away from you cheek, you suppressed a sob even though you knew the top floor of the Avengers' Tower was empty. Tony had arranged a posh dinner for you all to celebrate whatever. It was only one of his excuses to make you come out and enjoy yourself. It wasn't difficult for the others to notice that you had been quite upset lately.

Gingerly, you dropped your towel and slipped into the bath. You shivered at the temperature but pressed on anyway. You fluttered your eyes close in an attempt to endure the hot water. You remembered the first time Bucky deliberately talked to you, you were so happy about it that you almost broke your face with a grin.

Oh Bucky, your crush on him was bad.

But you were pretty sure that he had only looked at you as a friend. He was friendly and sweet, even though he had the coldest expression on his face when he wasn't speaking. It was a trait from his previous life of being a trained Soviet assassin. He was also the only Avenger who had ever caught you crying.

There was nothing you could do to stop the tears. You gasped for breaths as you continued to drown in your own depression and remorse. You heard the door to your room creaked open, but you were so broken that you couldn't even bear standing up.

"Excuse me, Y/N. May I please borrow your-oh."

Your heart kicked faster when you recognised the voice to be Bucky's. Hating yourself for showing him this darker side of yours, you turned away from the door and sat on the corner of your bed. "Go," you managed to speak up, "Don't look at me."

You heard the door closed again. Assuming Bucky had gone, you peeked over your shoulder, sniffing and trying to catch a breath, only to watch the assassin walked towards you calmly. "No," you whimpered but to your astonishment, he sat by you.

At first, he seemed doubtful. His hands were clasped between his knees as he tried to think of his next move. Then, gently, he placed a hand on your shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere, Y/N. You've been there for me whenever I have nightmares. I think it's time for me to do the same for you," Bucky muttered and you couldn't stand it anymore. Choking back the tears, you leaned into him and he let you. You buried your face into his chest and felt your body tremble against his.

He began to mutter in Russian. It sounded soothing and tender, and gradually, your chains of sob turned into sniffs. Your struggles became lighter. Bucky wrapped an arm around you protectively and you relaxed at once. "What are you saying?" you asked quietly.

You were so tired that you might have imagined it, but you felt Bucky's lips upon your head briefly before he answered, "I was on a mission as the Winter Soldier. The target was somehow this child from a rich family. When I walked towards him, his mother wouldn't let go. She kept on repeating this, and she had only stopped when I pulled the trigger." Bucky sucked in a deep breath to collect himself. You held onto his jumper and glanced up at him. Defeated and in anguish, Bucky smiled down at you tiredly. "What she chanted to her child had somehow imprinted in my mind. When I was lost and confused as the soldier, I would say this to myself without even knowing it."

You dropped your head and allowed him to support you. You closed your eyes when he began to run a hand through your hair. "It's meant to say, 'You're the dearest of my all. I am here to stay and protect you. No one can ever take you away, not the demons, not even death itself.'."

You slipped under water to see the world deformed and ugly. It was about time for the pills to kick in now. You submerged from the water again and leaned back, resting your head along the edge of the bath. Your mind was fading, like water colour running down a piece of ruined paper. Sighing, you wondered if you would ever regret this.

Little did you know, Bucky Barnes had abandoned the others once he knew you were coming. He knew something was wrong, and he was almost running all the way back (catching quite a few weird looks from passers).

He bursted through the main room, trained eyes taking in the empty sight. "Y/N?" he called, fear building in his chest as he wished that you could answer him, healthy and well. Yet there was nothing but only his echoes answering him. Swearing under his breath in Russian, Bucky began looking from room to room. He knew that he had to get to you as soon as possible. He didn't dare admitting it but hell, he cared a lot about you.

You were the first few ones that actually cared about him. You had overlooked his identity of the Winer Soldier, which Bucky greatly appreciated. You treated him like an equal, which he didn't think he deserve. You were so kind and generous, beautiful and sad. You were like a glass doll that Bucky could only dream to touch, for he couldn't bear the thought of breaking you accidentally with his metal hand.

He couldn't tell you that he cared. He could only stand from a distance and hoped for the best for you

But it would never matter if you didn't survive this night. Alas, he found the locked door that led to your bathroom. "Y/N?" Bucky called, unable to help himself, "darling, please! Answer me!"

When only silence reached him, Bucky had had enough. With a grunt, he pulled off the door knob with ease and kicked open the door. His eyes immediately zoomed in on your lifeless figure, almost slipping entirely under water while you lied there unconsciously. Without any hesitation, Bucky hurried over to the bath tub and dug his hands under water. He picked you up like you weighed nothing. Water dripped off you and Bucky gazed around hastily in search for a sign. He was helpless and panicking, everything that he shouldn't be if he wanted to save your life.

"Stay with me, Y/N," Bucky whispered with tears welling in his eyes. "Please."

When you didn't answer, Bucky picked up a towel and wrapped you with it to keep warm. He rushed to your bed and laid you on your bed. Sniffing, he picked up a phone and called the emergency line.

He had to save you. He promised himself that if you survived, he was going to tell you how he actually felt, and cared.

You were still next to him. Your expression was peaceful, as if you had only been sleeping. Bucky couldn't help himself. Without noticing that a tear had escaped his eyes, the assassin reached out to trail a finger along your jaw. "Not even death can take you away from me," Bucky whispered, "Not even then, my love."