Shit I Wrote

drowning

Your words are starting to fade, your complaints starting to mean less. Your needs starting to disappear into oblivion and me drowning in your words of hate. "YOU don't care" becomes so frequent it's the other sentence that comes out if your mouth. I try to defend myself but you look at it as being selfish and self centered. You don't understand but you believe you do, because you're my parent that's known me from birth. But even you don't know I still talk to Sammy and mess around with him even though he's in an committed relationship and I frequently touch myself in the middle of the night when you're asleep. And that my thoughts have been replaced with suicide ideas and places to hide to cut myself until I bleed out and can become the nothing you make me feel. You threaten to let child services take me away from you the mother I ever knew. You threaten my animals my real family. Yes I slack and I'm a terrible person sometimes for letting my animals wait to be fed. I'm a bad person. Is that what you want to hear? No? You never said that. Never meant to make me feel like selfish piece of shit who if was dead you'd be more happy? Do you ever hear yourself talk? Do you listen to the words you let flow out your mouth? No, why should you? You're only trying to motivate me into helping more,and give me more meaning. But in reality your words are drowning me, pushing me under the water. I try to fight but it's no use against your strength the power you have over me. I stop fighting and let the water consume me. Then you see that vulnerability and push harder until my vision blurs and I'm now nothing as my body floats down to the bottom of the sea the bricks you used to pull me down staying there forever. I'm nothing like I ever was to you. You say you do all you can for me but.. In reality you're a life sucking leach who I have to live with and for some odd reason I love to bit and pieces. Tomorrow though the cycle with start again just placing different variables here and there. New words to wrap your stones with and throw them at me breaking my bones until I'm only skin. Then bury me in stones leaving me for dead letting my wallow in your words until I breath my last breath.