Conceding Affinity (Affinity #2)

Dinner

Apat na araw na rin kaming nag-iingat ni Luke Dashiel. Kung dati ay ako ang gustong maging ingat kaming dalawa, ngayon ay siya pa mismo ang may gusto nito. It aches me that I played a big part on Luke Dashiel's fear of losing me. Nasaktan ko siya ng husto sa paulit-ulit na paglayo at pag-iwan ko sa kanya kaya ngayon ay ganito na lang ang takot niya na mawala ulit ako.

I hate myself for that. Hindi ko yata makakayang patawarin ang sarili ko sa ginawa kong pananakit sa kanya. Every attempts, everything that I've done before didn't make sense anymore. I wonder what would happen if I didn't deny my feelings for him before? I wonder how things would be right now if we got caught before?

Three years ago, we were still both young and emotionally premature. Especially Luke Dashiel who was barely eighteen when I allowed myself to be selfish and be with him. We weren't ready to face hell and the consequences of being together before... But are we ready now?

Sa loob ng apat na araw na nakalipas ay dalawang beses lang kami nagkita at sa apartment pa iyon ni Calum. We find time to text during his classes and talk through the phone whenever no one's around, pero hindi iyon madalas dahil kahit gusto ko na makausap si Luke Dashiel ay ayaw ko naman maging distraction sa kanya mula sa pag-aaral.

Hindi naman kami makapag-usap masyado tuwing free time niya dahil sa palagi niyang kasama si Wendy. Ipinapaalam naman niya as akin iyon para hindi daw ako mag-isip ng kung ano. I still can't help but be jealous though. I don't think I'll stop being jealous of any girl he could possibly fall in love with without his mom or any conflicts holding him back.

We had a date planned out today. Si Luke Dashiel mismo ang nag plano ng date na ito, which is why I'm very excited. Sa sobrang tagal ay hindi ko na maalala ang huling beses na nag date kami ni Luke Dashiel. Going out on a date is a hard thing to do especially if you're trying to keep your relationship a secret.

Naisipan naming pareho na magkita sa paboritong pizza place ko sa mall. It didn't feel like a good plan at first pero nagawa ako niya akong mapapayag. He assured me that his mom is currently out of town with Tito Lucas and that he said that Wendy won't be bothering him today.

Ten minutes bago ang pinag-usapang oras ay dumating na ako sa pizza place. I ordered their popular fruit shake while waiting. Maaga akong umalis sa office dahil ayaw kong ma-late. Hindi ko dala ang sasakyan kaya inisip ko na mata-traffic ako papunta. Hindi ko inakala na magiging maluwag ang daan patungong mall ngayong araw.

Nang dumating ang meeting time ay wala pa rin si Luke Dashiel. Naisipan ko na i-text siya para magtanong kung nasaan na siya. It was fifteen minutes after our meeting time when my phone rang. I quickly answered it the moment I saw his name on the screen.

"Where are you?" nakakunot ang noo na tanong ko.

"Avis, I'm sorry. Hindi ako makakapunta." narinig ko ang inis sa boses niya. Napatingin ako sa paligid at sinubukan siyang hanapin, baka sakaling niloloko niya lang ako pero hindi ko siya nakita kahit saan. Sumimangot ako at hindi ma-kontrol ang pagkainis din.

"Why?"

"Dumating si Wendy sa condo ko twenty minutes ago. She wanted to hang out. I told her I have other plans for today. She asked where I was going and I told her that I'll be hanging out with Calum. Gusto niyang sumama at sinabi ko na hindi pwede. Now, she's been tailing my car for twenty minutes and I can't get rid of her." I could tell how frustrated he was.

My irritation diverted to that fast food chain. It was very childish and out of character for me to insult someone that way but I can't help it. Hindi ko pa naman siya nakikilala ng mabuti pero alam ko na hindi ko siya gusto.

"Avis?" narinig ko ang pag tawag niya sa pangalan ko nang hindi ako nakasagot agad.

"It's okay." pagbuntong hininga ko. Kahit na mag reklamo, mainis, at magalit pa ako ay wala naman mangyayari. We can date some other time.