Runaway

Panick attack

~~~~~in the present~~~~~~~~
Goodbye my sweet loving sister.
Goodbye me evil brother.
Goodbye my beautiful dog.
Goodbye mother and father.
If you loved me I wouldn't do this.
But I have never truly felt loved in this family. The only thing that loves me more than itself is my dog.
That I have to leave behind with my family. We will probably never see each other again. You will be in my thoughts, but not in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few months ago

"Hey Lauren" I say
"Hey"
"How's your summer been" I ask
"It's been pretty good, how about you?"
"It's alright" I say.
"Can't believe it's almost over"
"Yah I know right, it's been going by fast" I say.
"Yah no kidding"
"What do you wanna do?" I ask
"You wanna watch tv?"
"Sure" I say.
Ugh he's coughing. He's always coughing. I know it's because of smoking. But he never admits it.
I wish he would quit.
My thoughts are interrupted when my dad starts to scream at the tv.
They're watching football.
My dad, and Lauren's dad.
He's coughing a ton, and I can tell he is drunk. He needs to fix his drinking habit too.
"You guys wanna play the wii when the game is done" I ask everyone.
"Sure lets play tennis." Lauren says.
"Lauren and I on a team, and Chad and Matt on a team, does that sound good?"
I ask.
Chad is my dad, and Matt is Lauren's dad.
"Yeah we'll win" my dad says kind of slurred.
"Yah I don't think so." I say sarcastically.
The game ended and Lauren turned on the wii. Lauren and I beat my dad and Matt 3 times.
He's really out of breath.
This is wii tennis it's not that tiring.
It's so annoying how he always tells me that I'm getting fat, when he gets out of breath by playing on the wii.
"Hey dad" I say breaking the silence.
"What" he Says.
"You know you probably wouldn't be so out of breath if you laid of the cigarettes a bit." I say with sadness in my voice. "Yah well you know Aly, this country was born on tobacco, and without it our economy would be trash"
He says with a rude tone in his voice.
I know he doesn't like it when I talk about this subject, but he needs to know how I feel.
"Dad I know you don't like it when I talk about this, but did you know that
You're 20% more likely to get type two diabetes if you smoke?" I say.
"Yah well I don't care okay."
He raises his voice.
"Well you should care, you know why?"
I say rudely.
"Alyssa just shut up" he yells.
"No I'm not going to be quiet while I sit here and watch you harm yourself.
You lied to me! You lied! You don't even care how I feel" I scream at him.
"Alyssa shut your mouth, you have no idea what you're talking about and I'm a grown man! I can do whatever the hell I want." He yells.
"Well I think I know more than you." I scream. "I studied this and did research about smoking and I know a ton of facts to prove whatever you say wrong!"
I yell.
"Don't you see that I have cried over this many many times, but you will don't seem to care." I scream across the room at him.
"Hey you guys calm down" Matt says.
My dad continues to yell at me about how pathetic and stupid I am, and that I shouldn't have the right to talk to him like this and that if he said this stuff to his father he would get beat.
I start Crying and then my legs and hands start to tingle.
What's happening, I can't move my legs or arms.
The tingling starts to go up my body and soon I can't feel anything.
My face is getting hot and I'm struggling to breath.
"W-what's h-happening" I say crying.
I look over at Lauren and she is just staring at me in shock.
I manage to lift my arms up but I can't feel them. My fingers are locked in place and they are angles weirdly.
"What's wrong with me" I scream.
Matt walks over to me and tries to calm me down, but it isn't working.
I'm so worried. What the hell is happening to my body.
Am I having a panic attack?
My face goes numb and the only thing I can do is cry.
The only thing I hear is my dad continuously yelling at me about nonsense which is only making me freak out more and cry harder.
"Chad I think there's something wrong"
Matt says worried.
"Can you move your hands" he asks me
"N-no" I barely make out.
My dad is still yelling at me.
Would he give it a fucking rest!
" Chad would you quit it!" Matt yells.
"There is something wrong with Aly."
He says.
My dad doesn't care. He continues to yell. Bickering about how he is always right.
Matt helps me stand up and walk over to the bathroom.
"You need to breath" he says.
I try taking deep breaths but it hurts to breath.
After awhile my breathing became more steady and I could start to feel my legs and arms again.
"Move your fingers" Matt says.
"I'll try" I say.
I can barely move them, and after I quit trying to move them they lock in place again.
After about 5 minutes of deep breathing and calming down I am back to normal.
But one thing that will never be the same again is how I look at my father.
Did he even care or even notice that I was freaking out because I didn't know what was happening to me.
The only thing that I wanted was for him to come over and hug me, and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But he is so stubborn he yelled at me when I was having a panic attack.
I will never forgive him for that horrible night.
That horrible night where I no longer felt love.