Outsider

Clingy Monster

"I think we should stop hanging out as much. You know, get to know other people better. We've been friends for a year now, I think it's time we find other friends". That was what my best friend in second grade told me as she ran off during recess.

"I don't know if we should hang out as much, I mean, we can be friends, but not best friends anymore." That was another one of my best friends leaving me in fourth grade.

"We've had a good run"

"Lets just take a break"

"I like you but lets hang out with other people"

Clingy. That's what I was. I was a pitiful clingy monster. Like a leech, I needed friendship. I wanted friendship. I wanted someone to be there for me, to tell me that they would never leave my side. When I found someone who tolerated me, I grasped at their friendship and wouldn't let go. I didn't want them to leave me so I did everything with them, I wanted to show them that I was dedicated to them.

But I was too dedicated. I scared them away.

I was left with nothing. No one. I was alone, and I got used to it.

But I still desired a friend. At least one.

Middle school passed and I was still very lonely. I left the friends I did have alone, trying so hard not to scare them away. And it was lonely. I was an outsider.

High school came.

And I did it again.

I found someone. Someone like me. Someone lost and confused. Someone kind and funny. Someone I trusted. I clung to her. I clung to her like lice cling to the scalp. All was well, until she had enough too. And just like the others, she left. She abruptly distanced herself from me. And I was left alone and confused again.

But even though she was gone, I noticed there were others. People that I had overlooked. People that I merely glanced at but never saw who they were. And after she left me, I was forced to see.

And what I saw amazed me.