White Roses and Black Coffee

Facing and Accusing

I'd never spent much alone time with Nick. It'd always been them and me. The Three Musketeers. Our mothers used to always imagine me marrying Nick and Cicely marrying Alec, Nick's best friend. For a while when I was younger I'd welcomed the idea, not really grasping the meaning of marriage.  I'd spent the entirety of my preschool days claiming that he was my husband. Once Nick began to understand the meaning of marriage he'd discouuraged my words. When I finally grasped the idea of a husband and wife in the fourth grade I'd been mortified. I saw Nick as an older brother, not a husband. When secondary school came around I'd pondered the idea of him being my prince, but I had let go of that the first time he came home with friends and changed into the person he was when he wasn't with Cicely and I.I realized that day that Nickolas was human. A teenage boy. He couldn't pprotect me like I imagined he would, even if he tried. He couldn't watch over Cicely and I every second of everyday, even if he tried. 

"You were hurt."

I looked to Nick, who was sipping on his coffee and looking at me with forced casuality. I nodded and unconciously moved my hand to cover the wound left behind from that day. It was a grizly reminder that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life. Nick's eyes hardened.

"Why didn't you help her," the glare was replaced with sorrow in an instant, " Why didn't you save my sister like she's saved you so many times?" 

I tried to speak around the sudden lump in my throat, but I couldn't, so I shook my head and looked down instead. It was enough of an answer for Nickolas, who slammed a fist on the table and stood to  leave. Just as he was about to step out I spoke,

"Because I was afraid."

He turned to me and snarled," Cicely was afraid too. For you."

I nodded, "I know. Don't you think I know? Everytime anyone even tried to make fun of me, Cicely was there. She was there for me any time I needed her with a bucket of icecream and movies. She was brave and amazing. Cicely was my sister too, Nickolas. I know you miss her, and I know you didn't get to say goodbye. But do you for one second believe that if I could switch places with her then I wouldn't? Do you for one second believe that I got to say goodbye? One minute we were laughing and the next I had a bullet in my shoulder and my sister was lying dead on the ground in front of the most terrifying monster I have ever seen. She wasn't the only on who died that day, Nickolas. She was just the only one who couldn't stay."

He shook his head and walked out the door.

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They all stared.

Even as I sat in my car they stared.

Every conversation stopped and all eyes were on me. Again. Everytime anyone would see me in the store or somewhere like the diner they either looked the other way or stared blatantly at the mass of gauze covering my chest. No one ever tried to speak to me. When the bell for first period rang nobody flinched. They just stared. Eventually everyone began to file in. One by one like they had a secret microphone in their ears to give the ok. 

Second period History was no better.

Everyone, including Mr. Camsley, just stared. Class didn't begin for thirty minutes and all he could say before the bell rang was, "Class, focus now."

By lunch I was completely worn down, so I took some of Cicely's other advice. I walked to the diner a few streets over for a milkshake, and even then I could feel their stares. Not many people were here. A few freshman scattered around and the football team was speaking loudly in booths near the back. I could hear the staff arguing about who would have to serve me and I didn't blame them.

Who wanted to be anywhere near the Freak? WHo wanted to be reminded that someone from our town. Our school would do this? Who wanted to face the girl who lost her best friend that day?

I didn't.

Eventually an older woman with frizzy gray hair approached me with a forced smile on her thin lips. She didn't waste time and was fairly polite and I found myself silently thanking her. Just as the waitress left to bring me a cup of coffee the bell over the door chimed.

It was Nickolas.

It looked like he had shaved and cleaned himself up, and was catching a few of the freshman's attention in a sharp suit. As soon as he stopped beside my table the freshman were swearing and looking away. I almost laughed. Almost. But Nickolas couldn't let things lay, and he dealt with them coldly and efficiently. I looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, Hads."

I shook my head for a moment to clear my head. He was sorry? 

"You don't need to be, I-"

He cut me off, "No Hadley, I do. I know you didn't mean for her to get hurt," his voice dropped as two of the football playyers walked past,"And I know that you are hurt."

"But I'm not-it isn't that bad I-"

Nick crouched and leaned against the top of the table so his eyes were level with mine,"You are hurt, Hadley. Badly. You were shot. I knew you were hurt, not just mentally, and I still yelled at you. I'm sorry."

I stared at him until he stood and left. Again.

I knew that I was hurt. I knew that I was stressed. I also knew that Nick lost his sister. I didn't blame him for yelling at me and I wasn't angry because the same things he yelled had gone through my mind at warp speed every moment of every day. I had nightmares. Nightmares where Cicely would come back and blame me for everything I should be blamed for, even if it was stealing a cookie from the sheet when I was five. I would wake up with the  worst ache in my chest, like I had been hit with a car.

Because even if she was yelling and blaming, she was alive.

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Hola mi amigos! Sorry about the second chapter,I'll figure out what went wrong and fix it. It was mostly Hadley and Nick in the back of the graveyard, and Cicely found a grave that said, "Farewell, she will be missed." in Latin, that's important. I love you guys! Thank you for all the reads!