Just another brick in the road (Diary)

  Disclaimer: This is an original piece of work  and do not steal my intellectual property.

If you currently suffer from depression or face any problems you need advice on you can always contact me on my email: ashantiruiz at gmail.com

**Prologue** 

Life is hard as it is. You never get a thank you or a pat on the back when you need it the most. Sometimes all you want is to have a voice to be heard , acknowledged, and most importantly appreciated. Sometimes when I speak i have all of these thoughts i want to yell out but, it never comes out the way i want. I end up saying everything except what i truly wanted to say and it angers me because instead of taking one step closer to gaining my sanity and over all mental health.I end up taking a step backwards and dig  myself a whole. Truthfully as an adolescent these are some of the things that go through my head. It kind of irritates me how the generations before me think i am ignorant because of my age. But in reality my age does not define my wisdom, my knowledge, or give people the right to think I am anything less than what i am because of my age. I am currently having a war inside my head debating whether or not i am going to actually get my shit together. I have so much to do in such little time. It's starting to make me queezy at the thought of not getting my stuff done on time. I went to group therapy today hoping that it would make my day a little bit better and it did at first until something happened.... I had to take a test I did not study for and my thought process was a little fucked up . Hopefully things get better.I need to get my mind out of the gutter and stop messing with these "fuckboys" because nothing good comes from them anyways besides a dick and a headache. Hopefully i feel like myself again soon because i really need that in my life. 

 Until again, we we will talk...

- Me

  November 18, 2015

    I am really stressed because I have so much to do and there is so little time, Like i have speech and debate homework, english homework, spanish, and economic homework. I feel so stressed and I low key want to give up and just drop out. I have to write countless essays and to finish it off I have more homework from college and you know that is always a bitch to do because i have philosophy. Not only is the teacher boring as dick but i find him rather awkward because he is always asking the class questions but no one ever answers. It's probably because no one is interested in what his stupid self has too say. Maybe i should stop acting like Holden caulfield and stop complaining because lately i find myself doing that. I also regret being so boy crazy these last few months and being obsessed with these guys who obviously don't give a shit about me but, for some dumb reason i do care about them. I am also lowkey mad because this guy who likes me told my friend some things about me but told her not to tell and i barely found out today after 2 weeks like no wtf? your supposed to tell me anyways like your my friend. I do not care wtf he told you to not tell me. Your supossed to tell me within seconds. I can rant on forever about this issue and i know i am stubborn and hardheaded but, i know i am not wrong about this.... or am i? I dont know why he still stays in my head because he is one of those guys who are always hot and cold. One minute he is all over you and then the next he acts like things are whatever. but he sure does know how to sweet talk me. I am debating whether or not i should message him but every time he leaves me on seen i always feel stupid for trying to talk to him in the first. But i get so tired of him saying that i am always playing and i never message him first but.... i digress i lowkey want to set things in action with him but, why should i even try? i some how think he is more insecure than i am. I don't know why i am into ugly guys who end up playing with me. I lowkey want to ask my friend on what i should do so this will be continued.....

Until again we will talk (To be continued)

-me