Just another brick in the road (Diary)

Adulting is too hard

April 29, 2017

Fastforward a couple of months and I am here. My birthday was 3 days ago. It was the best birthday I could ask for. I started talking to a new guy named Andreian. College is being a cunt like usual. It's that point in the semester where I am starting to get broke. With 55 dollars under my name I have somehow managed to be alive. I've gained more weight so, being body positive is crucial at this point. I honestly stopped caring about my body weight and it is what it is at this point. Once you have sex in broad day light. Being shy of my imperfections go out the window. I honestly forgot how to fuck LMAO. Last Monday was the first time I had fucked in a while. So, the new guy I am talking to decided to come to my house in the morning because I told him too. I was just in this annoying rut where I was horny all the time. So, after he came in and we were kissing each other. Our clothes were all off and there I was under his body and under his control. He then tries to put his dick in me. Key word ... tries. When I say this was a damn nightmare I mean it took us 45 minutes to put a regular sized dick in a 4'11 foot person. Like how does that even happen? I ended up slapping him in frustration because he had one job. So here I am grabbing him by the dick trying to put it inside me. This took another 20 minutes. After a whole hour I was exhausted and I didn't even have an orgasm. After all of this it finally goes in! When I say this was the worst sex of  my life I mean, this was worst than the first time I had sex with this nigga with a chode. I literally had to ask him if it was inside because I could not feel it. ANYWAYS...here I am with my legs spread as fuck. Looking like a 180 degree angle. I hate guys like they never listen. I tell him go in slowly I haven't fucked in forever. When I say this nigga jams it in me I mean he shoves his fat dick in me so damn hard I groaned from the pain. I get my hand take his dick out with my hand and slap him again , this time I'm giving him a lecture. I made him go to the corner of my bed and let him chill there until he wanted to act right. After putting his childish ass self in time out . We start fucking again. This time it's inside of me, and he's fucking me . His ballsack is slapping my ass and then he pulls out and cums. When I say sex lasted 5 I mean sex lasted 5 minutes. There I am on the bed mad as fuck this nigga cummed and all I had was a sore pussy and an attitude because he was being childish and underperformed. We then decided to have another round I decided to give him head. After I gave him head I start to get up and BAM. I hit this niggas nose. So there we are , naked and scared. His nose starts to bleed and as I was about to clean up his nose. He flips me over ass up and starts putting his dick inside me.... again. After 2 minutes of pure penetration he then starts to put his fingers on my clit and starts rubbing it. And then.... I busted out laughing because I get so ticklish. So, my vagina is sore, his nose is still bleeding, we wasted an hour trying to put his cock in me, and now I start laughing. Can I just get a break? And win the worst sex award and call it a day? He then gets mad at me because he thinks i'm laughing at him. Ya'll already know how I am. I start getting mad because he's getting mad. So there I am orgasm-LESS and annoyed. He then flips me again with my 160 pound self, I must admit he is strong as fuck but i'm annoyed so I don't say anything. He cums again. I am so fucking pissed because i'm having sex in 5 minute intervals. UGH. I didn't know having sex would be the same amount of time as a youtube video. So, we did round 3. This nigga flips me over again with my 170 pound self. I love how I keep going up in weight everytime I say he flips me over. Imagine Barnum and Bailey  (Obese edition). I can't with life anyways we attempt round number 3 and this time I try to ride him. First off he is 6'2 and I'm 4'11. So, there's a height issue right off the bat. After I climb up his body like Jack and the beanstalk. I eventually reach Mount Dick. As I try to put it in my vagina my vagina rejects it. His dick is like a maxed out credit card and my Vagina hates it so my vagina muscles start to tighten up and I get off him. I sat there apologizing for my weak sex game. After this happened I start to get off the bed he gets me and flips me again and starts ramming me and then... He CUMS again. This time I'm upset and leave his fast cumming self alone. After the shitty sex he gives a boujee phone case and I start to get dressed. I head to school with sex hair and a sore vagina. Great.... Like how hard is it to find dick in this city? Who the fuck do I look like ? A modern day slutty goldilocks and I have to sample every dick out there to be satisfied. So much work. Adulting is hard. There is 24 hours in a day and I need 8 hours of sleep every day. So that means there are 16 hours left. and I got to college for 6 hours everyday. Which means there are only 10 hours left. I need to study an hour for every hour I spend in class. Which means I have 4 hours left and I am magically supposed to eat, shit, workout, socialize, find dick, a future husband, and be mentally sane? Oh and find a job, work, and take care of myself. I had a mental break down the other day trying to figure out what the fuck I am gonna do with my life. For the longest I was determined to be a journalist in highschool but, along the way I realized I was not happy. So, I changed majors and realized that my purpose in life was to help people. So I decided to a psychology major but I started taking chemistry classes in college and fell in love with it so, I decided to do a double major. And then the worst thing happened. I realized that having a bachelors in psychology makes me qualified to do nothing. I then started to think about social work and the salary sucks dick. I will be going to college for 4 years and only make 50,000 dollars. So it made me ask, " Do I want to be broke and help people or make a shit load of money and not help anyone"? I decided the other day that I wanted to fulfil my purpose no matter what because I need to be the voice of the voiceless. A lot of good things have been happening . Despite the shitty sex. Andreian is a really nice guy and bends over backwards for me. I ended up getting the scholarship I signed up for , I got an internship , and got enough funding to take my summer classes for free. My GPA in college is so mediocre . It's a 3.2 and my goal is that by the end of spring next year to get a 3.6 so, I can transfer to Barrett's Honors college at ASU. I hope to join Phi Theta Kappa at my school next year. I am currently working on 3 different associate degrees and a certificate. I also plan on doing a double major and a minor at ASU. (A BSW and a BS in psychology with a minor in chemistry). I feel so motivated for the future. Anything can happen with a pinch of motivation. Speaking off chemistry I need to study right now. I am literally counting down the days for school to be over. Only 5 more days, I've never been so excited to do nothing. I encourage you all to follow your passion. Seize the day. After all everyday is a blessing not a promise.

 Well I'll talk to you again soon. Much love and inspiration. :)

Will upload next week 5/5/17