Just another brick in the road (Diary)

A Lesson well learned

January 1, 2016 (Part 1)

Things have been going great lately. Did i mention that one of my aunts were having surgery back home? She got lap band surgery , it's where they get a band and wrap it around your stomach so, you could eat less. It helps treat obesity and i am happy for her! While i am gaining weight (Ugh!) she is losing weight. She lost 70 pounds before the surgery and after the surgery , it is estimated that she will lose 100 pounds. I am extremely jealous for one however; I am happy for her as, I said before I come from an overweight family. My aunt weighed about 400 pounds but, she is slowly but surely loosing it. I mean she is going to look great but, i just want her to be healthy to be honest. I want her to last for as long as she could because after all she is one of my favorite aunts. I would have hated to see her die before it was time for her to go. She actually inspired me to lose weight myself! So, this new year or in a couple of days i am going to go on a diet for my health. I mean it's not a diet ... it's more like portion control. I am just going to eat less and eat more healthy. Anyways there is nothing wrong with wanting to look better and improve your health. So, if anyone wants to join me on that adventure .. please do , it's always nice to talk to people about your struggles. Oh and I am going to do more exercise too! Granted I am not going to cut ice cream off my diet because that tastes better than sex!... literally i feel like sex is overrated i mean it feels great but, to risk getting pregnant every time... that is just an incentive to not have sex. And let me tell you sex is nothing like the movies , it's filled with more awkward moments and awkward facial expressions. I look like a rat getting its tail stepped on.. LOL! Now that i think about it my mother never gave me the sex talk. I am kind of happy because it would have been awkward and it would have resulted in a lecture anyways. She would have recited something off of mean girls like, "If you have sex, you will catch something and die". I feel like parents always act like sex is bad. It's not bad if you know how to take care of yourself and approach the situation right. Of course parents as well as our youth worry about the risk. The risk of getting pregnant. It is crazy to say that teen pregnancy has gotten out of hand. At my school alone there are a couple of pregnant teens. I remember when it was my freshman year and i saw a pregnant girl , i was so shocked! I could not believe it, i ended up telling my friends about what i had seen and the results were scary . They were like oh yeah she's not the only one there are more! I was like What the fuck! Are you serious? What did her parents tell her? Omg! my mom would have beaten my ass , called me a whore, and kick me out. Just to teach me a lesson and see if the guy who got me pregnant would stick around. They obviously agreed and we changed subjects. But, that just shows you how that is now considered normal. I remember when my mom would tell me stories about pregnant teens during her youth and it was considered taboo. People would mock, ridicule, and shame her. Now it's just one of those "Oh yeah I know, whatever" conversations. Now a days i end up going to baby showers more than birthday parties.I am not one to judge because i do not live your life and you do not live mine. But, what makes you think you could handle such a huge responsibility. Some girls are like "Well it's my responsibility so, i don't know why my mom keeps bitching to me about it." And to that i would say well she should ! what the fuck? If you still continue school then who is stuck the kid? Your parents. Who has to feed that other kid? Your parents. Who has to help you with the kid when you still want to do things your friends do? Who has to help you out and console you if your boyfriends leaves because he just wants to hit it and quit? Your parents, so don't give me that bullshit and say your boyfriend will be with you forever . Because nowadays , the divorce rate is higher than successful marriages. I would know i come from a broken home and my dad was a dead beat coke head. And don't get me started on teenage love , as much as i like being in it i am well aware that it does not last forever. If you are pregnant and your boyfriend stayed then congrats and i wish your family the best however; I have always known that the path pregnant teens have taken is not a path for me. I am young and i have a bright future ahead of me just like many others. And i refuse to get trapped with a kid who will impede my dreams. Boys and girls if you are going to have sex make sure it is on your own terms. I have seen way too many girls my age get pressured into having sex. Have sex because you want to not because he wants and because he promises he won't leave you. I guarantee you 8 out of 10 times he will leave you and if he hasn't don't think he's not planning too . I am not trying to be negative or be a bitch... I am just trying to tell you girls to not fall into their traps and show you to be smart about your decisions. Just make sure the boy you give your v card to it respectful and not a pig and that you feel comfortable. In reality there is no "perfect time or perfect age" to have sex . Everyone is ready at their own special pace. Marriage is always an option but, for me it didn't seem realistic. The thing is it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or in a marriage to have sex. One is always in danger of splitting up. it just looks better if you are married because in our society if you're not married and have sex ... you're in danger of being called a whore or any other word that means the same thing. For me losing my virginity at the age of 16 was my "perfect" time. I felt ready and comfortable. We continued to date for another year and ended up breaking up. I never regretted it and that is something i want for everyone. The worse feeling in the world besides getting ignored is feeling regret. The funny thing is ... that the boyfriend i mentioned right now is the ex i ended up getting back with. It's funny how fate can break and reunite people. Anyways ,I was with my boyfriend for a year and he would always tell me whenever you are ready i am ready . I will never pressure you and was He honest. He never once pressured me despite what my mother always said.Ladies if he does not pressure you at all then chances are you have got a good guy and he isn't dating you for the sex. But to say boys our age never think about it is a lie. Boys our age are horny bastards and think about sex often so, if the boy tells you he's never thought about it ... there are only two reasons. He's gay or he's lying. Losing my virginity was a very high price i paid. If i tell you ,it's because i want you to learn something.