Secret Desires.

His Side.

  I don't mean to be this way, running back and forth between two women, but I love the thrill of it. I know for certain what one can't provide, the other will. With Olivia, I can have a home, a family, and a unbreakable love that will last forever. Olivia is my foundation for everything I do, but shit sometimes you gotta get your hands a little dirty. Now Ava? That's my midnight snack for those lonely nights. I know she'll do whatever it takes to make me happy, which is the main reason why I don't want her. I hate a woman that's thirsty for your attention, or what you would call "easy". Ava's been on my heels since I first met her at North Atlanta High School. She was a mysterious individual, but I would be lying if I said she wasn't fine as hell. Her body was like a beautiful masterpiece, and those sultry hazel eyes accentuated her caramel skin. I was drawn to her since I first met her, but only sexually. Wherever I could fuck her, I would. She was just that easy in high school, but now things were getting out of hand.
I'm starting to realize who truly has my heart, and I'm at the point where I want to start a family with Olivia and become the man she always dreamed of. There are times where I get scared because she threatens to walk out on our love. Usually I wouldn't give a fuck, but at that moment I realized just how much she meant to me. I caught myself on my knees, begging her to give me another chance on my actions. I love this woman, but when she has a friend like Ava how do you stay level headed? I caught myself at her house once more tonight, breaking both of their hearts. Here I am, dogging out one woman for my sexual satisfaction, while abusing the heart of another. I wish I was never put in this predicament, but I'm a man that thinks with his dick sometimes...
  As I left Ava's house, I began brainstorming multiple excuses for my wrongdoings tonight. I needed something that would ease her pain of what she suspects of me, but nothing would come to mind. The ride home was excruciating by the second, even if I chose to cruise. I couldn't think straight and I was tired of lying to my wife about my fidelity. I wonder why the fuck I chose to take this route of pain, knowing from my mother and father's experience that it destroys you. As I pulled into the driveway, I realized that I hadn't even taken a shower to disguise myself. Not only was I coming into my house at 3 o'clock in the morning with the musk of sex on my body, I also had scratches and hickeys on me as well. Shit, this is not going to go well at all. I don't want this to be the last straw for Olivia, but there's no way she'll take my ass back now.
  As I sat in the driveway, I pondered on the idea of heading to a hotel to let things cool down. It would give me some time to think things through, but with Olivia's attitude it would only make things worse. Beyond my lies, I had to stand up and be a man for her. I couldn't bare seeing tears in those somber eyes of hers, but when you risk everything you have to suffer the consequences. "You gotta do it tonight Drew" I said aloud as I attempted to clear my head. I slowly took the key out of the ignition and hopped out of my BMW. It was time for me to tell the truth in sake of our marriage. As I turned the key inside the front door, I prepared myself for what was to come. A hit, a stab, shit maybe even a toaster being thrown my way. Whatever it may be, I deserved every bit of it. She was an angry black woman whose husband was a piece of shit. It couldn't get better than that...
  Crickets. I slowly opened the door in anticipation of a fight, but instead received nothing but the whistle of the night. Where could she be? Did she pack her things and leave me for good this time? I became frightened and hurriedly ran to the bedroom we shared. "Olivia baby are you here??" I screamed out only to get no response. My heart rate tripled by this time and I became fidgety. Where was my wife? I ran through the house like a madman, searching every nook and cranny. There were no notes, no missing clothes, no signs of destruction, just an empty home. Maybe I was losing my mind. Did I really walk into this situation? I know I'm no good, but for her to just leave me so suddenly was quite shocking. I didn't want to believe it, no matter how many reasons I gave her to quit me. I searched our bedroom once more, hoping that my mind was playing tricks on me. She was gone. I collapsed onto the bed and sighed in regret. My baby was really gone.
    It was then that I heard the faint cry from the bathroom. I popped up and rushed to the bathroom door, a slight part of me relieved that she was still home. "Olivia, I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I just wanna talk shit through with you." I said in hope of a response. Olivia continued to ignore me as she cried. I grew restless and began banging on the door, begging her to let me in. "Let's just talk, you don't even have to do all this shit man." Why was I taking my anger out on her when I was the one in the wrong? It was then when I started to scare myself as I grew more angry than sympathetic for her feelings. Man, I'm really not shit..
    Here she was, in a state of depression over me. I was a wreck, but all I wanted to do at this point was hold her and make shit okay. I may be a liar, a cheater, and a backstabber, but I am also vulnerable. I knew I was losing her, it was just a matter of time before it was too late. "Go away bitch! I hope you die tomorrow so I can spit on your grave!" Olivia angrily screamed through the door. Those words cut me like a knife. She really hated my ass now, and our marriage was on thin ice. "I swear to God Olivia you better take that shit back! What the fuck is wrong with you?". By now my blood was hot, and my banging on the door turned into kicks. "Olivia. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR.". I gave the bathroom door one good kick, and broke it off one of its hinges. Soon, the door cracked open to reveal my wife. Olivia was on the floor in a fetal position, sobbing over what seemed to be a pregnancy test that consisted of two faint lines..