Hey guys! I'm sav. For a while now I've struggled with seasonal Affective Disorder, anxiety, bipolar disorder, self harm, and eating issues. I know it seems like a lot but its really not, my self harm, anxiety, and S.A.D. go hand in hand. My bipolar disorder plays a hand in that also, when I have a mood swing, I can't make a good decision so half the time I end up hurting myself. I've always been overweight and I've always wanted to change that, I've binged, I've purged, I've fasted, I've tried every fad diet in the book. I've recently decided to start eating right and exercising a few times a day. I've taken yoga back up which is good, its relaxing.
When I was thirteen, a few days before Christmas, I attempted to kill myself. But the thing is, I don't regret it. It helped me become who I am today, it landed me in therapy(which I not longer do) and I got some pretty good help. I met great people in the facility I was at for a few weeks.
There are things that most people don't know about me, but I'd like to share a little with you guys. My father is who I live with, he's a drunk and is high alot. He's got some serious anger issues and when he was a child he watched alot of violence, which is really all he knows. He's been mentally abusive for years. He's hit me once or twice, which is nothing compared to what some people go through.
When I was a young child, I was sexually abused, I knew it was bad yet I never told anyone until about a year ago. I'm not going to say who it was, but that's not the point. I know what it's like to blame yourself for abuse(of any kind) I always kinda blocked it out but I've started trying to admit to myself that it happened. That someone I trusted did something very bad. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still care for that person. I haven't seen him in about a year and a half, but when I has seen him regularly, I was fine around him. The effects of what he did to me doesn't hit me until I'm alone at night, and it makes me just want to cry. It makes me angry, so angry I could burst.
#StopThePain is my way of getting people to know about self harm and abuse. So many different types of self harm and abuse. If you are suffering from any of it, please contact someone and let them know that you are in pain, that you want help. You deserve help.
