When Life Gives You Lemons

Chapter 2

My head is a fog of confusion. Where am I? The world sways in front of me as I step heavily down a wooden stair. I reach a blurry door. I need to open it. I need to get out - the air is too thick in here. It's making my chest hurt. It's so heavy. So empty. My eyes are closing, they're heavy too. A hill. I trudge up it. I need to get somewhere. I don't know where, or why, but I need to. Trees. They sway. They're going to fall on me! Breathing heavily, I back away. Now I'm on the floor. My brows scrunch. I need to get up. The air's still heavy. My chest hurts. A road. My steps quicken into a clumsy jog. No more concrete. Something else. Sand. It hurts. It hurts my heart. Then, a new sound. Rushing, crashing, washing. It's deafening. My face is wet. I fall down. Like the waves, I'm crashing down, falling, dissipating into nothingness. It hurts. It hurts so much. Someone call an ambulance, someone's stabbed me; someone's stabbed my chest! How can there be this much pain? 

"Leah? Leah!"

The words reach me but the voice is unfamiliar. Not the voice I want, need, to hear. I want my mum. A shaky sob escapes me. I want my dad.

No, I want to disappear. It's too much. I don't care anymore. I want my family back. I stumble into water. The cold stings my skin, distracting me from the pain in my chest. I feel myself slipping away, the hurt fading. I welcome the feeling. No more pain. But something is bringing me back, holding me together. No. I want it to stop. I want to leave! Please, no more pain! Please, let me leave!

"Leah! Come on, Leah. Come on!" someone's shouting. They sound scared, urgent. Someone is shaking me. No. Please let me leave. Please, it hurts! My chest hurts. My head, my heart.

"NO!" and then I'm gasping, shaking, shivering. I can breathe but I'm so so cold.

"Leah? Yes! That's it, Leah. Come on," the voice is telling me.

My eyes open, properly. I'm awake. The image before me takes shape. Blurred edges become clear and focused. A face is hovering over me like a shield from anything that's going to hurt me. But what's hurting me is inside. I writhe on the ground, trying to get rid of the pain within. Strong hands hold me still, gentle but firm. I make out a strong jaw and caring blue eyes. Cornflower blue. My face is soaked with tears and I'm so cold. Strong arms hold me as I sob. I clutch on to them like a newborn baby, needing the comfort and warmth. It doesn't get rid of the pain, but it helps, for now. I cry like it's all I can do, and for a moment, I think it is. I can't stop or think or feel. I just cry, and he holds me and helps me fit myself back together again...for a while. 

Eventually, my sobs slow and I'm just breathing as steadily as I can and trying to stop myself from shaking. The pain is dulled, still there, but buried maybe, under all the ordinary things that make up a life.

"Hey," a gentle voice says. I look up, finally recognizing my savior. It's Matt, the 17-year-old son of my new godmother. Immediately, I blush and move away slightly so his arms no longer are around me. I let out a tiny sigh at the loss of the comforting warmth. 

"H-hey. Thank you for...you know. I-I'm sorry," I tell him, fiddling with my fingernails. I've just been crying in his arms for I don't know how long in the middle of the night. Oh, god, my face must be a mess.

"Hey, it's fine, really. I don't mind," he smiles, and I can't help smiling back. His handsome face lights up when I do, and he says, "I like your smile."

My face is now beet red. 

"Are you cold?" he asks me, and that's when I realize where we are. We're on the beach, the waves now far away and the washing noise distant. It's still dark, but the moon is full and bright and I can see. Then I realize my fingers are numb.

"Yeah," I reply quietly, and he shrugged off his leather jacket and put it on my shoulders. It smells like spearmint toothpaste and the sea. I feel a smile fighting to come out - even though it was freezing cold, and I was feeling (and probably looking) like crap, this was still the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. "Thank you," I say, staring up into his beautiful blue eyes for a moment before blushing again and looking down. "Um... H-how did we g-get here?" I question, my voice shaking as chills wrack my body. 
"You don't remember?" he gently asks.
I shake my head. "I m-mean... I remember a b-bit... Like a d-door and...a road. But I thought I was dreaming."
"You were."
I furrow my eyebrows.
"I mean, you were asleep."
Seeing my look of confusion, he continues, "Sleepwalking. Like, you were dreaming, but you were moving as well."