Crush Imagines

Insecurities

->TRIGGER WARNING!! This thing gets bad!!<-
Your best friend, C/N, has PE with you. It's Friday, and you have PE 7th period.
Today is... Different. You've been depressed before, but.. You feel like you are falling down a hole you won't be able to climb out of this time.
Also, you ran out of anti-depressants.
"Okay guys, today we are playing soccer, but first we are gonna warm up with a few laps around the track. Let's go!" Your teacher yells. Everyone starts off around the track, but you stand at the side.
"Hey. Y/N, you feeling okay? You look a little off. How about you sit PE out today?"
"..okay.." You mutter quietly. You sit in the bleachers and bury your face in your hands.
I am a worthless piece of shit. Unloved, dark hearted, and useless. Fuck, I can't even look good with makeup. I'll never be able to look nearly as good as the girls out there running on the track with the man I love. They are all thin, and no matter how much I try, I'll always be an ugly, hopeless thing.
I will remain alone throughout my entire lifetime, damnit.
These thoughts of despair and sadness surrounded themselves with an impenetrable web around your mind.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry...
You tell yourself not to cry, because you know that once the first tear fell, you wouldn't be able to stop.
You peek up from your hands to see C/N staring at you with a worried look that makes you want to cry.
It only makes you want to cry because of what you know what you are doing when you get home.
Hoping he isn't looking, you pull at your sleeves, and you squeeze your eyes shut.
I'm gonna do it.
The bell rings to dismiss us from school. You pull at your sleeves again, and you see C/N running to you. "Y/N, are you okay? I.. I saw you pull at your sleeves twice... And..."
You turn around to look him in the eyes. His eyes give off his obvious despair; he knows.
"There's no more hope. Let me do what I've got to do, C/N."
"But Y/N, wait!" He screams at you.
You stop walking, but refuse to turn around to face him. "Go away, C/N! Its.. The best thing you can do for me. Please, if you care, you'd do that for me."
And with that, you walk to get on the bus, C/N remaining unmoved from his place. You glance out the window of the bus, and you see a tear slip from his eye.
~
In the bathroom, with the blade. Your arm is above the sink. You pull your sleeves back.
I'm sorry. But I've gotta do what I've gotta do.
You start near the top of your wrist, where the blue vanes pop out of your skin.
Fat. Ugly. Useless.
You press it into your skin and start to drag it across your wrist, seeing the blood bead up and dribble down your arm as you cut open the vanes.
You break. Slowly, the first tear falls. That tear is followed by one more, then another, then another, until you feel like a waterfall.
Lonely. Hopeless. Rejected.
You start to cut the second slit right below the first one. The stream of blood running down your wrist almost makes you feel better. Even though these scars will last forever, slicing into your own flesh is so releiving.
As you get about halfway down the second one, someone pounds on the door.
"Y/N! Y/N, please! Don't do this to yourself!!" You hear a familiar voice scream. The scream is broken; as if me cutting myself hurts him twice as much. As if for each slice I put in my wrist, he gets another bullet through his heart.
Either that, or I'm imagining it. Wishing he actually cared.
"Y/N, OPEN THE DOOR, DAMNIT!! PLEASE.." His pounds on the door start to get lighter with every pound, for he is being taken over by his own sorrow.
"I.. I have to d-do this, C/N.. It's my only e-escape..." You mutter through sobs. You prepare yourself for the third cut as the door bursts open.
His eyes are red and swollen from crying. His cheeks are tear stained and everything about him screams pain. He looks so hurt...
Why? Why does he care? No one else does. Not even me. Why would he?
"C-C/N... Why do y-you care?" You stutter.
He stares at your freshly cut wrist. He stumbles forward and wraps you in his arms. He holds you so tightly that you feel like you will crumble to dust.
"Y/N... Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, please don't d-do this to your-rself..." He barely can get the words out, he is in so much pain. "Y/N, I love you.. I don't see why you w-would do this to yourself, you are s-so, perfect.."
"I'm f-fat, ugly, and a waste of s-space. I'm just..." You bury your nose in his shoulder. "I'm not worth it.."
"I love you, Y/N. I promise... I promise I will never let this happen ever again."
"O-okay, C/N."
The two of you stand there, remaining in eachother so arms, with the only sounds being the stuttered breathing of the other.
"I love you, C/N."
"I love you too, Y/N."