A Day in the Shoes of Drunken Uncle Rick

ugh

Rick spat the shards of glass out of his mouth and rolled on the ground like a badass. Then a huge shard impaled him in the leg. "Well fuck," he said, standing up. It didn't hurt much, due to alcohol and shit.

"Good fucking riddance," Emma said, throwing a blanket over the gigantic hole in their window. Rick limped over to his car, and tried opening the door, but quickly realized it was locked. So he did the only thing any sane person would do in that situation. He threw a rock through the passenger window. After that, he climbed into his seat and hotwired the car. Archie taught him how to do that. He pulled out of the driveway, hearing a cat screech, and then a splattering noise. Oh well. Then, an Asian scream echoed through Aperture St. He knew it was Asian, he'd heard Asian screams before. He heard a similar splat sound effect similar to the one after the cat scream. He wondered what that could mean. Then, he heard a tree scream from behind the car. He was fucking high. When did that happen?

"ALL I WaNTED WAS MY..." He started, then fell out of the door, because the now dead Asian kid ripped it off or some shit.

"Sandvich..."

(here's a random author's note because I want Kaela to read this in the future. kaiden is the best andrew sucks dicks bye UwU XXDDDD OwO ^u^ lollolololololololooloollollolololololloololo)

Rick woke up to the smell of blood. Was it that time of the month again? He'd already stained three pairs of underwear... Wait. He was a male.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick..." A heavenly voice said, somewhere in the room.
"Kat? I thought you were dead... Or are you alive?" Rick wondered. "I should have opened Schlonger's goddamn box."
Suddenly, something was shoved in his mouth. ((( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))) Bread, mayo, lettuce, ham, tomato... His sandwich! After all this time.
He then plucked the tomatoes off like any sane person would do and ate it.

the end