Skinny Enough?

Chapter Thirty-Two prt. 1

Amanda's POV

"198, 199, and 200." I finish my sit ups, now laying down on the workout mat for a few moments before continuing my routine.

Exiting the gym I make sure to plug in my beats and put on a nice playlist to run back to the dorms with.

Usually I work out with Dawn, but she's been awfully distant and her drawings have been getting deeper by the day.

She always sits with me during lunch so the incident with Rex doesn't happen again. But she doesn't even go to the cafeteria anymore. Or pretty much anywhere for that fact. Usually, she just stays in bed sleeping all day.

"Hey babe," I say entering our room. "I brought you some new drawing pens." Placing them on her drawer she smiles and it's the first one I've seen in a while.

She went into The Programming not too long ago and since then she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror anymore. Also when Dawn came back her voice was gone. That session must've been pretty harsh.

"Need anything?" She chuckles a bit and it just warmed me up so much to see a bit of herself coming back.

"I'm good, stop worrying." Dawn moves her blanket she's been wrapped in for more than a week and smiles at me. Soon enough she stands up and bumps into a box on the floor that's probably been lying there for a while now.

Dawn picks it up and examines it then gives it back to me.

"From lover boy." She giggles going over to the closet to change.

I look at the label and it says 'From: Brian To: Amanda'. Then I recognize it. It's the package I was going to open, but didn't get the chance to because I got stuck at The Programming.

Just thinking about that session made me cringe. After the door finally unlocked that days I didn't talk for almost a week.

Ignoring my thoughts I open up the box and a huge smile plasters on my face.

So he didn't forget about these.

I take one of the little figures out and play around with it in my hand. It made me miss him so much. We haven't talked in so long.

"What's that?" Dawn asks from behind.

"Oh, it's just little dolls my friend gives to me everyday. I thought he forgot all about them." I missed getting them so much. It was like our little connection thing everyday.

"Wow, that must must mean, your something special to that fella." I blush looking down to the ground. I'm glad I have Brian. "You should check up on your friend back home. He sounded hella worried after I convinced him to let you be here."

I agreed to go and I put on my navy blue quarter zipper jacket  and pulled the sleeves to make sure my arm is covered.

I called up Brian and he said he would be glad to drive me back home. It felt so good to hear his soothing voice again.

"Hey you going out?" I ask Dawn as I see her take her art utensil bag and sketch book as she heads to the door.

"Yeah, I'm gonna see the view from the roof for a bit to think." She smiles, probably wanting to draw a warning picture of the sunset. "I love you, Amanda."

"I love you too Dawny."

"Goodbye," Dawn waves me goodbye and shuts the door and I wait for Brian to arrive.

As I'm brushing my teeth once more today I hear the dorm room open again.

"You again," Janie rolls her eyes glaring at me. I don't even dare to respond I just continue to brush in silence as I'm in a wall sit the whole time.

"Where's Dawn?" She asks confused seeing Dawns bedding area empty. But I'm just surprised she's actually having a real conversation with me.

"Out, left a couple hours ago." I respond.

"Why?" Says Janie as she suddenly becomes cautious and worried.

"It's really no big deal, calm down-" before I can even finish she turns me around and forcefully pins me to the wall with whatever strength she has left in her. Her boney hands start digging into my shoulders.

"Tell me where Dawn is now." Her grip tightened even more on me as I wince at the pain.

"The roof," Janie's eyes widen and her right hand rises getting ready to back hand my cheek.

But she just frustratedly groans, "I have no time for this." Says Janie putting her arm back to her sides and darts out the room. I naturally follow her out as she bolts up the steps.

Janie finally reaches up to the roof top level and flys through the door.

"Dawn?" She exclaims wandering around trying to find her.

Once I get up, I help and Dawn is no where in sight, but her sketch books are still on the ledge. At first I just tell myself she's just getting a snack or taking a walk to think because that's usually what I do but that all changed when I looked out from the ledge.

She lays there 30 floors down with her head sitting in a pool of blood. Her latest drawing in the sketch book, just one word.

'Goodbye'

I froze in place just looking down at her, wanting to jump down praying she'd be okay. Hoping if I stare at her long enough the image would disappear and she'd just walk back up to me, but I knew that'd never happen.

Janie comes over wondering what I'm doing and once she finally finds our roommate she doesn't hold back on that slap she tried giving me earlier.

Once her hand made contact my entire face went numb and I could feel the burning sensation on my cheek. There was no doubt in my mind that there was a five star marking there. Janie had every right to blame me. It was my fault. I killed Dawn.

"It should've been you." Janie  huffs slamming the door going down to Dawns body before the guards put over the 'A.F.P' tarp.

I notice myself sitting on the edge of the building for hours just looking down at the height as the cold winter breeze continues to hit me roughly. Just thinking about all the thoughts and might've been running through Dawn's mind.

How she thought she was too worthless, too fat, too annoying, to dumb, too week, just wanting all feeling to go away. Sad part is that wasn't any bit true because that describes me.

So Janie is right, it should've been me. I stand on the very edge of the wall and look down. Starting to regret my decision I shake my head turning around  so I'm not facing the distance between me and the ground.

Finally taking a couple deep breaths I finally breathe out one last word before I go.

"Goodbye," I whisper to myself in memory of one of my closest friends and finally take one step backwards

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A/n: moral of this story is nothing is always what it seems