It Just Hurts

Part 11

Happy 8th Anniversary, Princess,

 I'm at a concert. In the middle of my solo in "Moments" I burst out into tears and ran off the stage. It reminded me too much of you. Right now I'm in the bathroom of the building while Liam, Louis, Zayn, Harry, and Paul are asking me to come out. They don't know what I'm going through. They are still all with their wives. They don't know its our anniversary. I know I should go out, we have about 18,000 Directioners waiting for me to come back out. 

I can't go back out there. I can't face all of the fans. I can't do it without you. You made me so happy, whenever I saw you I knew everything was going to be okay. Now that you are gone, nothing will ever be okay. 

I'm dying without you. I'm not eating as much, and so I'm getting thinner and thinner. The boys are worried about my health. I haven't had a deep talk with the boys in a couple of months. I've been drifting farther away from them every single day. Every time they try to talk to me, I blow up and yell at them. I don't go to interviews anymore. I used to, but they always asked about you. Avianna and your sister are the only people I really talk to. And Avianna doesn't understand much, even though she is smart. She gets that from you, of course.

And I deleted my twitter. Too many fans were telling me that they were sorry about your death. I couldn't do it. So I tweeted "I'm so sorry. Just remember, I love you all so much! .xxx" and deleted my twitter. I thought about disconnecting my phone number, but I realized if Avianna needed anything than she would call me. My email? It's gone. My Instragram? It's gone too. I receive fan mail, but I shred it without looking at it. I don't remember the last time I went out for fun. Probably Avianna's birthday.

Remember our first anniversary? I got up REALLY early so I could make you breakfast in bed. you were still sleeping when I left the room. I still remember what I made you. Pancakes in the shape of hearts, eggs, bacon, and coffee on the side. Just how you like it. I walked into the room, and put the food on your bedtable. I crawled back into bed and kissed your neck. You woke up, and smiled at me saying, "Happy First Anniversary, my dear Prince." I kissed your nose and said, "Happy Anniversary Princess! I made you breakfast in bed." You looked over, and blushed saying, "Oh, Niall! Thank you so much!" After we had eaten, showered, and gotten dressed, we went out to the beach for the day. We were strolling in the sand, barefoot, when suddenly I threw my shoes down and picked you up. You squealed as I dunked you into the water. You came up sopping wet, as I stood there laughing my head off. But you got your revenge. You came over and pushed me into the ocean. I swam underwater and grabbed your legs, making you fall off balance. 

 We both came up laughing our heads off, I leaned over and gave you a small passionate kiss. We went home, dried ourselves off, and went to dinner. Of course to The Ledbury. It was where we had our first date, and where we had our first anniversary.

A storms brewing, and we best be ready when it comes. I miss the times where you would crawl into my arms and squeal from fright. You were always afraid of thunder. And now I have to go back and sing.

Oh Darling, I wish you here,

Your Prince,

Niall James Horan