Recover

Chapter Eighteen

     The scream draws out and hangs in the air like a thick smoke. It rings in my ears as I hurry down the tree to stand near Jake. My legs can barely get there fast enough as a figure sprints across the field quickly to reach us. Jake tenses as they steadily come closer. When his face comes close enough he relaxes, he must be part of the pack. "Arthur, what happened?" Jake's voice is almost fearful, not knowing what to expect. This ‘Arthur’ starts to wheeze and bend over with his hands on his knees, out of breath from such a long run. When he catches his breath he starts to thoroughly explain what happened, the Alpha needs to know every detail no matter how small, that's what my dad would tell me.

     "We were just informed that a Rogue pack attacked one of our members. He was on his way home, returning from a visit to a neighboring pack. He's dead; it was his mother who screamed when she heard the news." Sorrow washes over the man's face, my fist clenches at my side as I switch my emotions from sadness to anger. My eyes glare at the grass as if the rogues are there themselves, I start to fume.

    "Rogues did that?" I stare at the man until my eyes bore into his, my gaze making him shiver. He mumbles but confirms that it was, he was there. My eyes light ablaze, glistening with a small green fire, a burning rage but no sadness. Things in me start to crash and burn as my heart crumbles.

     I've never believed the stories of merciless, vicious rogues. When I was younger I dreamt of running away and joining them. To be free of my pack and to get accepted into one that had that freedom. My mind curls into itself, thinking of a dark room over flowing with books, books about the history of rogues. The lights are all off and a young girl lays in a corner crying, her blue eyes can’t stop pouring tears as she thinks about what the other wolves were saying about the people she believes in. She would spend hours trying to find out more about them, that’s why dozens of the books lay scattered and open. But they all are filled with pointless propaganda on how they are the problem and we are better off without them. The only thing that passes through her mind is that they are the ones who she belongs with; while everyone here hates her they would accept her. In her small hands she rubs a worn scarf, one that she found in the forest with an unfamiliar scent. One that she had clung to the idea it was from a rogue. The memory fades as my mind remembers the awful things that were said about them, the heros that kept me alive in that cold hell. Ruthless, savage animals, criminals, low lifes. . .

     To think that the only glimmer of hope I had as a child was in my future and is now it's giving me a smack in the face. A dark feeling hoovers over me as I straighten my back out. My mind reels with an internal frenzy. I can't grasp anything. The foundation of my childhood crumbles. Everything about me wants to scream and burst into a fit of confused tears at any moment. If I saw Ezra or Bristol, the girl, they would be in for a hell of a treat to see me like this. Completely lost, confused, vulnerable, and adrift. The people I looked up to when I was younger, the people that I had faith in, the rumors I prayed were fake and the ones I tried to relate to. . .they just killed someone.

     I wanted to find someone so badly I could relate to and that was them, the rebels who hated packs. All I wanted to do was to leave and they understood why, they hated orders. When I was little I would convince myself everyone was making it up, that people just hated them, that they weren’t awful and wouldn’t attack or hurt anyone. I can’t just tell myself that anymore, I can't pretend people are lying about how horrible they are just to have them shine in a bad light. Because now I’m older and I can’t wrap myself in lies. The very thing that kept me going when everything around me was black, was a lie. A lie I kept telling myself.

     "Yes, they did," Arthur stares at the ground not wanting to look me in the eye. A small ache pains my chest, he is probably nervous of how I'm acting like now and what I did earlier. The anger starts to wash away and is replaced with the feeling of hopelessness and distraught. A sudden fire burning out and being left with a feeling of emptiness; of losing something you held on to for so long. But the fire is sparked anew when his eyes look up at me and he says, "What should we do?" My eyes widen and my palms start to bleed from my nails piercing the flesh of my palms. I can feel a heavy aura surround me, crushing the air and making it thick. Both Jake and Arthur shiver with concern.