home (halsey)

15

Ashley

I sat in the soundproof booth in the studio, a mug filled with wine in my hand and a cigarette tipping off the edge of my lips.

The glass walls contained the sounds and smells, the intense aroma of tobacco lingering in the air and the echoes of my voice ringing in my ears.

"One more time from the top," My producer, Brian said, adjusting the volume levels of the equipment and giving me a thumbs up from behind the glass.

I grunted, pulling my bulky headphones off and throwing them across the room. Smashing my cigarette harshly in the ashtray, I exited the booth.

"What's up?" Brian frowned, turning around in his swivel chair to face me as I plopped down on the couch.

"Too much shit," I laughed, taking a long sip of the bitter wine in my coffee mug.

"Something tells me that there's no coffee in that mug," He joked, evidently trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled wearily, showing him the contents of my cup.

"When you're going through as much as I am, you need to down like, five bottles of wine," I complained, taking the last gulp of it. I placed the mug on the table before me, picking up the wine bottle that laid at the side of the couch.

The red liquid poured out into my cup, staining the white insides and splashing out over the sides.

"Tell me what's going on," Brian said curiously, leaning back in his chair while watching me drink my wine.

I moaned in annoyance, rubbing my hand over my face.

"This bitch is after Maya and I. I haven't slept at all for the past week. I'm afraid that if I close my eyes for even one second, something will happen and I'll hate myself forever for not protecting her. You don't understand, Brian. I feel like a fucking zombie," I said shakily, my hands beginning to feel weak. "I have to put on an act in front of her and pretend like I'm happy because I don't want her to be even more upset about this. I want her to feel that I can protect her, because I'm really trying."

He gazed at me apologetically, thinking for a minute before speaking.

"Have you told her how you really feel?" Brian questioned curiously.

I stared at him lifelessly, unable to turn my thoughts into words. My mind raced in every direction, making me dizzy and uneasy.

"I can't. I have to be the strong one. I have to be happy to show her that everything will be okay. I'd do anything for her, Brian. You don't understand."

I took another large gulp of the wine, wondering how much it would take to take these feelings away. To make me feel warm and unaware of every tragic thing in my life. How many packs of cigarettes would it take to make my voice scratchy and prevent me from speaking at all?

"Tell her how you're really feeling. This is gonna sound so cliché, but communication makes it or breaks it in relationships. Don't let the unspoken ruin your relationship," He scolded, earning an eye-roll from me. "And enough of that wine. You're already tipsy."

My throat began to feel warm and scratchy, my cheeks turning red and bright.

"Fuck off. I like wine," I mumbled, finishing the entire mug in one gulp. "Plus, it gets rid of my feelings."

"Yeah, temporarily. Wait until you're bent over the toilet with a headache and feelings stronger than ever," Brian shrugged, trying to warn me. I completely disregarded him, grabbing the wine and finishing the last drops straight from the bottle.

"All done," I hiccuped, throwing the bottle across the room. The bottle refused to crack, earning an angry gaze from my drunken self. "Stupid bottle."

Brian walked over to the mini fridge, grabbing a water bottle and an apple for me.

"Eat this," He said, handing me the glossy red apple. "And drink this," He said while placing the water bottle in my lap.

As soon as I gave Brian a glare for trying to help me out, my phone began to buzz beside me, the couch vibrating with every ring.

"No one will leave me alone," I gritted my teeth, rolling my eyes before picking up my phone unwillingly.

The caller was unknown, causing me to furrow my eyebrows and consider ignoring it.

Sliding the answer button, I put the phone to my ear and grumbled irritably.

"What?" My voice was bitter and slurred, Brian nudging my side to suggest answering the phone for me. I flipped him off, taking a bite out of my apple.

"Ah, Ashley," The voice spoke menacingly, causing goosebumps to rise on my pale skin. "So nice to hear your voice."

I stopped chewing for a second, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Look, I don't have time for games. Who is this?"

The voice on the other end of the receiver just laughed darkly, clicking their tongue against the roof of their mouth continuously.

"Your worst nightmare," The person laughed, breathing harshly into the speaker.

"If this is a prank call, hang the fuck up right now before I find you and kick you in the balls," I slurred.

"So, how is Maya?" They asked creepily, instantly grabbing my attention once more, causing me to lean forward in anticipation.

"Uh, fine," I answered, my statement coming out as a question.

"No she's not," They explained, laughing once more. "She's tied up beside me. How could she possibly be fine?"

My eyes widened, my heartbeat quickening. I started to breathe frantically, a sharp, stabbing sensation beginning in my chest.

"What the fuck do you mean? She's at home right now. This isn't funny," I spoke angrily, my voice raising.

"Stupid, stupid Ashley. Never leave your love at home. We told you to keep your eye out," His words rung constantly in my ears.

"Tell me where she is right now," I demanded, my voice cracking. The same, threatening laugh sounded once more.

"Find us," was all the person said before hanging up, leaving the line way too silent for my liking.

"Fuck," I screamed, throwing my phone at the wall. Tears welled up in my eyes, my throat feeling swollen and hoarse.

Brian grabbed me, pulling my body into his roughly. He held me tightly as I broke down in his arms, my sobs causing my body to tremble violently.

Feeling choked up, my mouth was only able to recite these five words.

"I couldn't keep her safe."