home (halsey)

7

Maya

All night, I twisted and turned, unable to sleep because of my constant thoughts. Yesterday's events were on replay in my mind, my palms becoming sweaty every time they came up.

Ashley fell asleep quickly as soon as we arrived home, her body going limp when it came into contact with our cold sheets. I sighed as I laid beside her. I had no idea when to tell her, and even IF I should tell her. Sky was a stupid, manipulative bitch and I couldn't let her have her way, but somehow, I felt that she was truly capable of doing something to ruin our relationship.

It was four in the morning and I sat restlessly on the couch, playing with the edges of my ripped shirt. My eyes had sunken in, the rings around them darkening and making me look like the living dead.

I heard footsteps patting against the wooden floor, my attention suddenly snapping up. Ashley stumbled in while rubbing her eyes. It took her a minute to recover from her blurry vision before she widened her eyes and let out a yawn when she saw me.

"Babe?" She asked, her mouth opening again so a yawn could escape. She hobbled over to sit beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and she moaned quietly as she wiggled around in my grasp.

"Why are you up?" She asked, her voice scratchy and rough.

I shrugged, unable to come up with an answer. I turned my attention to the coffee table, staring at it as if it were one of the most interesting things in the world.

"Seriously, you can tell me anything. You know that," Ashley said, kissing the top of my shoulder and moving around before sitting up straight, her gaze burning straight onto me.

"It's nothing, I'm fine," I lied, faking a smile.

She eyed me suspiciously and raised her eyebrows. Damn Ashley, this much sass so early in the morning?

"Your hands start to shake when you lie," She laughed quietly, looking down at my hands in my lap. I grunted and threw my head back.

"Fine, I'm a fucking mess right now," I cried out, covering my face with my hands.

She pulled my hands away from my face and held them while frowning.

"My love," She cooed, pulling me into her chest. I buried my face into her chest, taking deep breaths to prevent myself from crying even more. "Tell me everything," She continued sadly, rubbing the side of my arm as she held me tightly.

I pulled away from her chest and looked up at her through my lashes. She wiped the tears off my cheeks with her thumbs and kissed my forehead gently.

"I love you so much, okay? I never wanna lose you," I sighed, sniffing.

She pouted and held the sides of my face with her hands.

"I know, Maya. You don't have to tell me. I love you, too," She said, staring into my eyes.

"I just- Life is so short. Everything ends. You never know what could happen," I replied sadly, my lips quivering.

She furrowed her eyebrows and pushed my hair back off my forehead.

"Where is all this coming from? Why are you so worried all of a sudden?"

I sighed and looked down at my lap, unable to look into her eyes and tell her the truth.

"Maya, tell me what's bothering you. I want to help," She said, her tone frustrated.

I looked back up and felt the tears well up, threatening to fall out from the inner corners of my eyes.

"Someone is trying to ruin our relationship. They're going to tear us apart and I'm fucking terrified, Ashley. Something bad is gonna happen," I choked out, my voice cracking.

Her eyebrows furrowed, her expression showing up as clueless.

"I have so many questions, but I'm gonna start off with one. Who, baby?"

I bit my lip to stop it from trembling, but I couldn't gather up enough strength to respond to her question.

"Maya, I need to know," She urged, grabbing onto my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. She rubbed the top of my hand with the pad of her thumb, moving it comfortingly in circular motions.

I sniffed once more, the air seeming to weigh me down and cut my breathing supply short. For a minute straight, I sat having a panic attack in which my body had involuntary spasms, my muscles tightened, and my breathing accelerated quickly. Ashley, panicking, crouched down before me on the floor and put both her hands on the sides of my face, keeping eye contact with me and assuring me that everything would be alright.

"Take a deep breath, baby. Everything's okay. It'll be okay," She said, her voice cracking and her eyes watering. "Breathe, please. Breathe."

"Outside," I said through harsh breaths. I pointed towards the door and used all my energy to get up from the couch and walk to the door. Ashley tried to help me, but I pushed her away and attempted at being independent. My breathing slowly returned to its normal speed as soon as I sat down outside, the cool morning breeze caressing my body.

Ashley sat on the arm of my chair, running her fingers through her hair and letting out exasperated sighs. She reached over to grab the white box and lighter that was laying on the table beside us.

She grunted as the wind prevented her from lighting the cigarette that was hanging off the tip of her smooth lips. I took a few deep breaths to relax myself before leaning my arms up to cup my hands around the flame so she could light her cigarette.

She mumbled a quiet "thank you" and took a long huff from the cigarette, releasing the smoke from her mouth in a big, hazy cloud. She lowered the cigarette down to where my mouth was, offering me a smoke. I closed my eyes and nodded my head before she moved her fingers near my mouth, waiting for me to open up so I could take a drag.

I inhaled deeply, watching her pull the cigarette away and intently stare at the way I released the pungent smoke. It hovered around us in wispy clouds, leaving the stench of burning tobacco fresh in my nose.

She licked her lips and flicked the ashes off before taking another puff.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she stared straight into my eyes.

"I'm fine now," I exhaled deeply, my body hurting with every breath that I took. I stared down at my lap as I played with my fingers.

"Tell me whatever you have to say when you're ready. I'll give you space and time if that's what you want. Let me know, though," She said before flicking the cigarette butt onto the ground and crushing it with the sole of her sandals.

I nodded my head and heard the familiar click of the lighter once more, looking up to see her smoking another one.

"Lay with me in the grass. Smoke with me. We'll deal with this later," She said, giving me her hand to grab.

The rest of the morning consisted of us laying tiredly in the lawn, the dew on the tips of the grass leaving us feeling cool and wet. Neither of us dared to speak any words because the frustration in the air and the cigarette butts that were scattered around us told the stories themselves.