INAMORATA: Before Our Heaven Turns To Hell

Chapter Twenty One - How I Met Bruce Lee

Note: When addressing any respected person without using proper names, older women can be called ayi, which means "aunt" in Chinese.

TWO YEARS AGO

Everything was just falling apart and I can't find the strength to hold myself together anymore. I lost a piece ten years ago when my dad died and it almost knocked me off completely. It was hard regaining back my equilibrium and I thought I would never get up again. Luckily, mom was there and she supported me the whole way. She helped me create a new piece to fill in the void so I could stand on my own again.

Until everything just went crashing down like destroyed lego pieces.

Mom was hospitalized today while I was in school. The principal had me called and immediately excused me so I could go see her. I was a nervous wreck and I had bumped into a lot of people on my way. I didn't even bother apologizing because all I can focus on was getting to the hospital.

When I arrived, I was almost out of breath. I thought my lungs were going to give out. Fortunately, they didn't. I practically screamed at the nurse to tell me my mom's location. After knowing the floor and room number, I flew up the stairs because the elevator took too long to arrive.

And then I saw her, laying there on the bed with an IV. She was pale and I could clearly see the dark circles under her eyes. It seemed as though my whole world just shattered and all the debris fell on top of me mutilating me and breaking my spirit. I felt like I had just died. And the next thing I knew I was sitting there silently on the white-tiled floor with tears streaming down my face.

The doctor told me that it was TIA, A prognostication of a serious stroke, and that it would be difficult for mom to recover. So they need to watch over her 24/7 and see what happens.

The doctor was calm while telling me my mom's situation. I, on the other side was the complete opposite of that. I want to scream at him, ask him if my mom's going to live or not. But he didn't say anything else except wait and that was the worst thing anyone could have told me. It was like telling me to wait for a bomb that will soon explode.

But I took his advice. I had no choice. I don't think I can watch mom laying there anymore. So I went outside to clear my head then I decided to call Ayi Meihui, our neighbor, to ask her to pick up my siblings.

"Of course, I'll look after them. Just focus on Rachel, okay? Don't worry too much. Your mother is a strong woman. She'll be okay, trust me. So don't be sad anymore, Rosie." Ayi's voice was strong to encourage me and yet in her firmness there were still cracks that oozed with undeniable concern.

I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay. I wanted to comfort her too for my own sake but how can I? How can I be strong for someone else when I can't even be strong for myself? I sighed. All I can do for now is to accept her strength so I can find my own.

I nodded on the phone as I wiped the snot of my nose. "All right. Thank you Ayi. I'll call you soon."

I began to cry a few minutes ago when I started explaining mom's situation to her. I just can't help it. I just need to let it all out or else it will eat me alive. I ended the call and then began walking aimlessly like a zombie, with only thoughts of mom's situation haunting me.