First encounter...
Had me a little bewildered...
Nothing complex...
Just common among the opposite sex...
Still...
I was tingled a little...
Could it be my vulnerability....
Maybe it is how you are, meticulously...
A hidden treasure deep within...
Having struggles just like any other human being...
Maybe it is I...
The way I think I can save every guy...
It could just be my issue...
Of insecurities about you...
It may seem confusing...
It really is not...
Just a couple of words, I am just trying to make use of...
Sorting out feelings about "The Right kinda Dude"..
But seeing you from time and time had me thinking something new...
What to do..
what do I do...
Stuck in the middle of this attraction to you...
I promised GOD that I will wait...
But you are like some kind of new fate...
I can not do this..
I must move on from this...
This attraction...
Is a distraction...
I have to put it at ease...
So my mind can be at peace...
My heart will be displeased...
And my urge will soon cease...
The back and forth of my brain...
I don't have the energy to complain...
But damn...
Why would you...
How could you...
It's not you...
It's me...
I just can't be...
It will not be...
I have my integrity...
I tell myself over again...
This road is not the path I want to go down again...
Part time...
Sometimes...
Day time...
Late nights....
Out of my mind...
when you're in my sights...
Your smell is amusing...
As you told me that is your natural grooming...
I am scared of you...
Not that I fear you...
I don't trust myself around you...
This is a moment I feel sorry for "made for me" guy....
Memo to self; Be kind...
And don't fall for this momentary guy....
I have yet to fall...
Many have tried, but none captured my heart at all...
Its an honor to be in my thoughts...
This will soon be a figment of my imagination...It's all good...
I just know I never could...
It's a cute motivation...
A step in the wrong direction...
But I just can't get you out of my head...
It's my temptation...
My dream of one night that screwed with my head....
If you ever wondered why I avoided eye contact, instead...
I will own the fact that I find you attractive enough to bed...
But that is not going to happen...
Tainting us both of doom...
Is not something I would ever do...
To you, to me, or even my barren womb...
See this walk that I walk...
Is real to me...
Throwing my lifeline out the door for immorality?...
No...
Not I...
Not for a guy...
A guy like you...
Will move on to other things as you do...
And I would continue to be with the guy who...
GOD promised for me...
One that I AM to marry...
Not just stir me sexually...
But be with me sincerely...
I hope I have not ruined it yet...
The friendship that makes us better than that...
A kindred spirit of kindness to each other...
Has me believing in yonder...
So be good in life and be well...
This is where I break the cursed spell...
That you have...
On me in half...
So I can be able to see you...
Complete contact of those moments of just us two...
I will probably avoid you for a while..
As I keep you as the "Jewel of my Denial"!!