Hey! So I just saw Hansel and Gretel (MIND = BLOWN) and I thought about what would happen if H&G + The Avengers would be like, and, then, THIS IDEA WAS BORN :D
Rights to the creators of Hansel and Gretel- Witch Hunters and The Avengers
~Enjoy
******
I kicked the door open.
"Knock knock," I called sarcastically as me and Hansel entered the wooden shack this wench called a home.
A woman with long, raven black hair, crackling grey skin, and piercing green eyes turned from mixing two test tubes, one with thick, green liquid and a frog's head in it and the other with a redder liquid and a pig's ear in it; it was these things that a witch does that makes my stomach churn.
She let out a long, ear-splitting scream and rushed toward us.
She punched me in the face before throwing me across the room.
I shook my head just to see her punching Hansel in the stomach.
Hansel returned with a right under hook to the chest, sending her flying a couple feet backward.
She struggled to get up as I shot onto my feet, grabbing my biggest revolver and shooting the witch in the head.
She turned and released another high-pitched shreik, earning another shot in the stomach from Hansel.
I dove over to the old, rickety oven and turned it all the way up.
I rolled away just in time for the whole appliance to burst into flames, as Hansel grabbed the witch, it screaming as he roughly tossed her into the flames.
We stood and watched the witch burn alive, making sure she was dead before exiting.
"Well, that one took less than usual." I commented as we made our way through the woods.
"More free time." Hansel said gruffly, kicking a stick out of his way.
"Come on, lighten up, Mr. Bringdown!" I nudged his shoulder with mine.
"'Lightening up' isn't my thing." Mr. Bringdown replied, rolling his eyes.
I was about to say something really wise when my phone beeped.
I slid the "Slide To Answer" icon on my iPhone and held it up to my ear. "Yellow?"
"Gretel Grimm. My name is Director Nick Fury, I am the head of the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement Logistics Division- S.H.I.E.L.D." A deep, intimidating voice poured out of the speaker. "I ask that you and your brother come to our headquarters, at.." He gave the adress of..S.H.I.E.L.D.? Yeah. S.H.I.E.L.D.
I laughed. "Hate to break it to you- what was it? Nick? Me and my brother don't work with..people. Let alone for people, so just deal with it." I smirked at the dead silence at the end of the line as Hansel raised an eyebrow with a questioning look.
"Let me rephrase that," Nick replied after a while. "We're dealing with a matter that unvolves black magic. We could really use your help."
I paused, looking at Hansel, who was still giving me the look. "Hold on a minute."
I pressed the phone tight against my shoulder, blocking out any way this- Nick Fury could hear us. "So, there's this guy named Nick Fury that wants us to go to some place called S.H.I.E.L.D. It's a protection thing, I think. They want us to help deal with some black magic going around. Thoughts?" I raised my eyebrows.
Hansel's eyebrows furrowed together. "Aw, hell no. You know we don't work with anyone besides each other."
"Hans," I pleaded. "I think we could save a lot of people by doing this, Besides, there hasn't been many witches around here lately." I watched Hansel's expression. Most of the time it was blank, emotionless. You could never really tell what he was thinking.
Finally, he exhaled, leaning back on the tree stump he was sitting on, into another tree. "Fine. Whatever. When this blows up you can blame yourself."
My eyebrows rose as I looked back at the phone. "Jesus, okay, fine, be that way, Mr. Grumpypants."
"We'll be there ASAP." I spoke into the phone finally before hanging up.
