for the lost

I wept not; to stone I grew

.
"

I wept and to stone within I grew. I was ice and my heart the stone held inside. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to want him to love me. I was afraid really. I if he loved me, if he even got close enough he would either steal my stone ruby heart and clam it as his or i wound give it to him willingly and completely. he was chipping at the ice like a mad man trying to steel what is mine. I was melting slowly but surely faster than what I had ever intended. I knew he knew that I knew what I had planned to do. even if he didn't know I did. he was just like everyone else. hopeless hope that the ones I loved sought to love me the same. It was my fault really, to assume that my flesh and trust would be enough to insure that heart wouldn't be broken time after time into tiny pieces and with each shatter a piece lost. My fictional aspirations for love and happiness did nothing but make me soft and in their eyes an easy target. knowingly or otherwise they broke me more than I was when I started. I was always a broken girl with a broken heart in a broken world but if I smiled, if I held my tears; I would appear to be whole. my smile is broken too. no longer able to convince myself that I was okay and that's all I really need it for. I can't let him get to me. my last piece is all I have left and if he takes it how can I live? Many that won't be a bad thing. Maybe if Daisy Taylor died then all that pained her and all that held her down will die along side her. The old Daisy would be gone and in her wake a new girl in her place. A better one. A whole one. One that will no longer be a shadow of what she wished she could be but finely be it. I'd be happy and then finally content. One the only thing to did is rid myself of the loneliness that's rooted in my heart. Maybe it will be easier to love him. or maybe it is truly better to have never have loved the loved and lost.