Jealous | Joe Sugg

Chapter 4

Joes POV

I continued to stand in silence without replying to Caspar.

Maybe it wasn't the best idea now I look back at it, I could see the frustration on Caspars face, but at the time I couldn't find the strength to reply.

I could feel how tense and awkward the situation was and I was forever wishing that the ground would just open and swallow me hole. Or that I'd wake up and realise that it was just a stupid dream.

All of a sudden I snapped out of my train of thoughts due to Caspar who started to raise his voice.

This happened unexpectedly and it actually did scare me, hence why I looked up at him.

It reminded me of how much I loved him and how much I missed him while he was away.

I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes and admired his soft blonde hair that sat perfectly on top of his head which put my hair to shame. I looked at his plump lips and I had to stop myself from leaning in and kissing him, he was irresistible.

While I was admiring Caspars features he began to get frustrated which caused him to shout.

He scared me,

a lot.

"FOR FUCK SAKE JOE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" His voice boomed.

Once again I didn't reply.

I was going to but I didn't know what to say.

I wanted to confess to Caspar and tell him how I really felt but I couldn't think of a way to tell him without ruining our friendship and his relationship.

I knew Caspar wasn't gay but I felt if I told him how I really felt maybe he'd understand and could help me to fall in love with someone else, the right guy.

As my train of thoughts continued I tried to picture Caspars reaction to each confession I planned in my head; I wanted to say the right thing otherwise things would end badly.

Caspar must've ran out of patients and he hit me, he slapped me around the face.

I was horrified,

shocked,

hurt.

Why?

Why would Caspar do that to me?

Why couldn't he just wait a few more seconds;

I had everything planned.

I was going to tell him but this changed everything.

Why should I continue falling in love with him just so he can go and break my heart.

I was over him.

I'm never speaking to that psycho again,

ever.

I felt my body become hot with anger and pain, not because of Caspar punching me but because of my feelings.

My feelings hurt; my heart ached for his love.

But deep down I knew that I had to move on.

I had to get away from him,

I had to move away.

Far away.

One single tear rolled down my face which maybe made me look weak in front of Maya but I didn't care because I was going to run away.

I was going to run away to America,

tonight.

I ran to my room to remove my self from the situation as fast as I could. I thought that if I ran faster it would make the situation easier to handle but it only made me look like an even bigger fool.