Unbreakable

No Happiness

Thursday and tomorrow was the day I would take the test, officially. Every morning it was the same, I rushed into the bathroom, cradling my stomach and holding my mouth then let it all out in the toilet. Mr. Bagans would go to work around 8 or 9 in the morning, which is late for a teacher but for his excuse to the school, he said it was because during those hours he was taking care of his mother when really he was spending time with his kidnapped student by raping her. Living here wasn't so bad, it was just so horrible that I couldn't go outside and see the sunshine and the clouds roll by gently, so I got paler and paler by the second. I got my vitamin C from orange juice that I drank while swallowing down my medicine.

Mr. Bagans had just gotten back from teaching and was loosening his tie while walking in the house as I was on the couch watching TV. He bent down leaning over me and kissed me on the forehead asking me the same question he did everyday, "So what did you do today?"

"Nothing, just like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that" I commented bored. He sat down next to me and placed his hand on my thigh, looking at me. "Just one more day until the test. What if I am pregnant..." I asked him. He wasn't so bad to talk to, just scary when he yelled.

"Then it's no worries, you'll have the baby and take care of him or her while I'm at work and I'll pay for child care" he swiftly said. But what about taxes and food for us and clothes I need and the baby's clothes and baby food and all the things a baby needs. He can't possibly pay for all of that.

"But what about the baby's clothes, and baby furniture and baby food, it's a lot of money you know. Plus I need some clothes and what about taxes and food for us? It's almost over 2000 dollars!" I exclaimed. He wrapped his arm around me and brought me closer to him, but I had gotten used to it.

"Remember, it's an if" he said and kissed me on the lips firmly. It was still so gross and so weird. When he stopped kissing me, he sighed sorrowfully.

"What's wrong this time?" I asked him.

"I just wish you would kiss back, everytime I kiss you it feels like your lips are so stiff and you don't even try to at least be enjoyed when we have sex, you still just won't give me a chance..." he told me. Great now the guy was making me feel guilty. Damn him.

"Oh, well....I'm sorry, but when you kidna--" I began and he stood up furious.

"I did not kidnap you! You live here! I do not rape you! God why can't you just get that?" he asked me like I was stupid.

"I-I'm sorry...you're right. You didn't kidnap me, you don't rape me at all, like you said. It's just sex I didn't know I wanted" I told him. He breathed in and out, trying to calm himself and then sat down, running his fingers through his hair, frustrated. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want him to kill me. Plus guilt was eating up inside saying 'It's all you're fault! You mad him angry he just wants to be loved, what kind of person are you!?'. I hesitated before making this move. It wasn't a move I wanted to make either, I just didn't want Mr. Bagans to be mad at me, knowing that he would take out on me sexually. I pressed my hand on his bicep and leaned in, pressing my lips to his cheek softly. He had stopped combing his fingers in his hair and looked at me carefully. When he did look at me, I slowly came in and pushed my lips on his, hoping he wouldn't be pissed or mad at me. It's what any victim would think of to do, you have to give in, you have to let the person trust you to get out. Like they say, keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.

When I departed, he just stared at me, a little shocked. I gave a little smile of innocence. He smiled and then cupped my face in his hands and brought his lips to mine again, this time I had to kiss back, so I pushed my lips back to his and he seemed happy about it. He placed his hand on the back of my head and I brought my hands in his hair, running my fingers delicately through. He leaned over and was top of me while I was being crushed by his weight. He wasn't fat, just, heavier than I was. His tongue pressed against my teeth and I had no other choice but to open up. Making out with him wasn't so bad, but in my mind that kept me thinking 'Ew' was the fact that he's 24 and a teacher. So it made me not want to because if I didn't think of that, then I would be actually enjoying this. We both separated to take a deep breath and when he did take a breath he said, "God I love you"