To Whom It May Concern,
I'm sorry. I really am this time. I know I have said these words over and over again, but this is the time to take me seriously. This has been an issue since I was twelve, and now that I'm fourteen, I believe I should probably speak up.
As for the people who won't be effected by these words when they are hastily spit out, consider this an excuse. An excuse for several things. Why I am so jaded and keep myself isolated, why I'm overall depressed(and depressing to talk to, am I right?), and why I haven't been doing anything with this app or my life in general. To the people who can judge but it won't matter to me, I would like to say I'm sorry that your opinion, whether good or bad, will not matter to me. Ouch, right? What a jackass.
Now, for the people who I care about, I'd like to also apologize. This is going to make things rough and awkward, and I'll be here when you need to ask questions about it. I am going to pull this bandage off quickly, so be ready:
I am Gender Fluid.
(That actually isn't as bad to type as I thought, fuck.)
For information's sake, I am having a decently rough time with it, mainly because my older sister is a big 'ol meanie. And by that I mean my eldest sister is harassing me for simply wanting a shorter haircut, mainly calling me a 'Fucking dyke who wants to be a guy, which is fucked up.'
Wow, what a sister.
My other older sister, though, is quite supportive. She agrees that I should possibly wait until I'm almost moving out because my father is an over-aggressive guy, and is really scary. My mother, on the other hand, will just be really disappointed in me. I can't tell which one's would hurt more, my father's words full of slurs and anger, or my mother's eyes full of disappointment.
Anyway, I won't be on here anymore, this is, in fact, my last update I will put on here. Being gender fluid isn't my only problem, though. I have been very depressed for a while, and the whole poetry-thing helped a lot. It isn't helping as much as it used too. But now that I have a goal for myself, which is to graduate a year early or some shit, I don't have a lot of time to myself. Somedays, it hurts to get up, and somedays I don't want to try anymore. But, I feel this goal should help me be motivated, I hope. It is hard, but goddammit if I don't try.
Please, if you see this, understand this isn't only an excuse and an apology. It is the truth, my truth, and I hope that people can understand and try to sympathize.
But hey, if you're the actual only person I want to see this, just accept the apology, please. I know you won't see this, but I want to just get it off my chest, for now. Maybe one day I'll tell you the truth.
