Left Alone

Part 4

Sorry for the late update :)

---

The week went on the same as usual.

More nods, head shakes, sighs and exchanged looks from Maya and Sam,

Either slight or large smiles -both fake- from me.

It felt almost like a routine. This feeling was haunting me. This numb, empty and emotionless feeling. What was it called? Depression? Sadness? Or was I just over- exaggerating?

No one knew what I was feeling, not even me...

I tried to suppress anything that would display even a hint of my actual feelings, and I was shocked with how well I was able to put up the act for so long without being caught.

Either I'm a really good actress or no one cares enough to try to find out.

That feeling almost engulfed me again, but I was able to shake it off before. Maybe the new girl can help. A small smile graced my face at the thought.

I was finally meeting a new person and both Maya and Sam were just as eager... to not meet her.

---

"C'mon girl, when was the last time you've actually read a good book?" asked Mariah, one of my friends from last year as she sat on my desk.

To be precise, the word 'friend' wasn't exactly right to describe our relationship. She was almost like a best friend from the way she treated me last year.

In ninth grade, I went through a lot of problems. Back then, I'm almost certain that I was mentally ill by depression. Last year was thrice as worse as this year. Problems that I couldn't solve surrounded me and I felt like I was going to explode at any given moment.

In short, I was depressed and I was blinded by it.

I was a ball of pent up hurt, anger and pain. My intentions were never bad, but every joke I cracked and every subject I spoke of was sort of mean and hurtful. This resulted in me usually hurting anyone around me, mostly Mariah, as Maya and I wasn't close back then.

She was the only one who truly understood me.

'I understand how you work,' she had told me once, a sad smile on her face.

But still, I hurt her with my sarcastic comments and mean jokes that I made without thinking twice. I was so blinded by my own world that I didn't even know I was hurting her.

And yet, she stayed by my side the whole time. She somehow knew that the Sandra deep within was hurt and all of this was just a way to deal with things.

It was still not an excuse and the guilt almost ate me up.

"Uh..." I answered, thinking back.

It was a long time since I read a book - re-reading does not count - and to be honest, I kind of missed it, but I was so into anime that I forgot about it.

"See?" she shot, all smiles.

That's the Mariah I know, the Mariah that I've always been with. She was all smiles when it came to almost anything -mostly books and music, though.

I shrugged and laughed an actual laugh, unlike one of the usual fake ones with Sam and Maya.

"To be honest, I was planning on getting my library card to borrow something from the library, but I didn't know what to borrow," I told her, already knowing what she was going to say by the evil smile that appeared on her face.

"I can give you some amazing books. Sandra, you do not know how many good books there are in there. There's this one called The Darkest Minds and oh my gosh, my heart just-"

I let her babble on about the book as she jumped off my desk and dragged me up, hooked her arm in mine and pulled me out the classroom door, down to the library. To be honest, the book did sound interesting.

I walked up to the library keeper, to ask for my library card while Mariah disappeared somewhere.

"Here you go, Sandra." The library keeper smiled as she handed me my card, "You know the rules."

I nodded in response and took my card, "Thank you, Miss." I managed to say before spotting Mariah and walking up to her. She was skimming through the books and picking up random books after reading the synopsis.

I realized that I was just standing there and looking at Mariah struggle with all the books in the library. The thought that there were too many books for her to handle flitted in my mind. And our library was tiny.

"Okay, so. The Darkest Minds is good, but this book also sounds nice. Apparently it's about-"

I started laughing again and cut her off as I said, "Slow down Mariah. Just give me one book."

She joined in my laughter and nodded. "This one."

I took the book from her and went to the library teacher again.

"The book is amazing. You won't regret it and you will love Liam," she told me, all excited and –as usual- all smiles.

"Thank you again, Miss," I said before leaving the library with Mariah, the book in my hand.