The Vituperator (NaNoWriMo 2015)

fifteen \\ alona

July 5, 2014 // Saturday

I messed up. I messed up pretty bad.

Parties are bad, bad news. Why am I only just realizing this now? All the shit, all the drama. It all happens at parties. I should just stop going to them completely.

But my, oh my! How insanely out of character would that be for me? Alona doesn't want to go to parties anymore? What's next? Sobriety?

To be franker than a guy called Frank, sobriety and early nights sound incredibly appealing to me right now. I just end up causing trouble whenever I go out, the whole thing is getting tiring, really.

You're probably wondering what happened. Like oh, shut the fuck up Alona and cut to the chase. Then again, nobody would be reading this anyway. Har har.

Right, so. I don't want to just describe the events that led up to it this time. It's plain and clear: party and alcohol followed by stupid decisions.

So, let's get to it then. I committed betrayal. Treachery. Stabbed my best friend in the back, metaphorically.

I almost fucked Nick, that's what happened. Not good, not good at all.

Goddamn you, Fourth of July. Everyone was shitfaced — everyone. Not just drunk, but high. With the hookahs and the bongs, I don't even remember when the party started.

All I really remember is Nick and I, stumbling into a room, hands all over each other — I don't think I even realized it was Nick until we almost went the whole way.

And Nick — he probably thought I was Sasha. I remember him mumbling all this shit while he was taking off my shirt like, "wanted this for so long," and sappy shit like that. If you look at the bright side from this, it was pretty sweet!! He wants Sasha!!

But yeah, we both passed out before anything happened. I was pulling off his pants, and when I looked back up at his face, he was out cold. That's kind of when it hit me — oh shit, this is Sasha's guy — and then I was out too. This morning (or should I say afternoon) was so ungraceful. I woke up drooling, with my face buried in his stomach, started freaking out about what I almost did to Sasha, and fled the room faster than Usain Bolt.

Going down the stairs of... whose house was it? Jesus Christ, I can't even remember. But whatever, when I got down, I saw Sasha and Bryson on a couch — Bryson sleeping upside-down and Sasha with her head on the armrest. She stirred among all the other people asleep in the room, and I went into the kitchen to get both of us some water.

"Hey Sasha," I smiled at her, feeling like a complete and utter asshole. She accepted the water and greeted me good morning.

"My head hurts so much," she groaned. I helped her up and started calling a cab.

"I'm not waiting for the guys to wake up, I'm leaving. You coming with?"

"Yeah, fuck this place," Sasha said, trudging along behind me. "It was crazy fun last night. So crazy fun, I never want to have that much fun again."

"I feel you," I said, feeling uneasy. I am the worst fuck up of a friend ever.

After Bryson, I guess I just wanted someone again, and Drunk Me decided to hop on the first person she saw, aka THE WORST PERSON TO CHOOSE. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.

I've decided that I'm not going to tell her. Ever. That would just hurt her too much. Nick didn't even know it was me, so yeah. Nobody has to know.

July 7, 2014 // Monday

IT'S HAPPENED!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!! Okay, well there's good news and bad news.

Good news: Sasha and Nick are finally a thing. An official thing. I screamed for hours.

Bad news: Nick Lennox is a fucking asshole.

He's gotsta go.

How redundant, right? Well, you see, despite the fact that I've been trying to get those two together for months, Nick has finally showed his true colors. The color of disgusting boy piggishness.

So, right, turns out that thing with Nick at the party was not what I thought. He knew I wasn't Sasha. He apparently 'likes me more' but 'can settle for Sasha.'

Excuuuuuuse me. Sasha Ahmadi is glorious and wonderful and doesn't deserve some disgusting boy to just settle for her. I'm so disappointed in this whole thing — I'm especially disappointed in myself. My asshole radar has been broken this whole time, apparently I could not see that there was not just one asshole within my circle of friends (Bryson) but two assholes (fuck you, Nick). Boys are the worst.

(Tae has yet to disappoint me. Stay pure, Tae.)

So, shortly after Sasha tells me that they're finally together, I meet with Nick privately, just to clear the air. So there we were, on the bleachers. It was a weekend, but he had some kind of football match, I don't really give a shit, but he was in school so that's where I had to find him.

I told him, "Hey, congrats about you and Sasha. I'm really happy for you guys."

And he fucking gave me this look, like he didn't believe I was happy about it. Bitch, I have wanted you two together for months!! It's only now I realize you aren't even worth our friendship anymore!!!

"Really? I like us a bit better," he said.

I was all, "Yeeeeah, about that. Big fucking mistake. We were drunk, I know. But I just wanted to clear the air, make sure we both knew that it can't happen again."

"Why can't it happen again?" he had the nerve to ask.

"Because you and Sasha are together."

"You can't deny we had some fun though."

"I was drunk as shit, I didn't even know who you were — Look, can we just forget it ever happened, okay? Nobody needs this right now. I've never seen Sasha so happy."

"But I want you too. Not just Sasha."

I was fucking reeled by this. "Not just Sasha"? What am I supposed to be, a side-bitch? It was getting worse by the second. I raised my palm right in front of his face, just to shut him up.

"Just. Stop talking. Stop talking and maybe I'll still be your friend at the end of this conversation."

"That's not fair, Alona."

"Not fair? Not fair? You just got into a relationship with my best friend. I don't even like you that way — I don't even think I like you as a friend anymore — and you're telling me you want to fuck the both of us?"

He gave me this shit-eating grin. Despicable. "Come on, Alona. You know you want it."

"No — I don't. Friendship over. Bye bye."

What an absolute shitstain of a human being, right? So next thing I do is go over to Sasha's. I had to let her know that her new boyfriend is scum. It wouldn't be pleasant, but it would save her a lot of hurt later. Rip it off. Like a bandaid.

Unfortunately, Sasha doesn't heed my warnings. She wanted me to explain how I was so sure he was bad news... but I couldn't tell her the whole truth. It would have hurt her too much. So yeah, she got pissed and didn't believe me. She told me to go.

So I did. I needed to think this whole thing over again. Nothing has gone the way it should have.