better days, right?

chapter 2//caught on video

Once the rest of the boys left, we were alone again.
Skittles kissed me, almost to say goodnight, and whispered "hope you had fun" with a slight smirk before he left me, cold, alone and naked, in the house of someone I had only talked to once before, in chemistry class.

He left me wishing I had never taken chemistry.
That if I had never taken chemistry this would not have happened.

I got up with the little strength left in me, my body still riddled. There was an ensuite bathroom ten feet from where I was laying, so I made my way into the harshly lighted bathroom.
I turned on the shower, setting the water to scalding. I stood there for a minute, contemplating. After a while, I just sat. I began to sob, my body convulsing every time I cried. I was so angry, I felt so exposed.

Like a bird without wings.

I got up quickly after crying, feeling pathetic. I began to scrub vigorously at my body, to get rid of their filth, their disgustingness. I would not let them take the feeling of being clean away from me, ever.
This would not define me.

I dried off and got out,  clinging to the softness of the towel. Must have been microfiber. I quickly found my clothing, and pulled them on. I went back to the bathroom, avoiding looking at the bed. I rummaged through Kathy from chemistry's medicine cabinet, finding some eyeliner, eye shadow and makeup remover. I completely removed everything off of my face, and started again. Fresh. I painted my face, and walked out of the door.

My plan was to never let them see me broken.

I walked past one of my assailants, and flipped my hair, acting nonchalant. Acting better than him. When in reality I was breaking inside, remembering the way he laughed at me as I was blinded by an iPhone's flash. Remembering the way he stared lustfully at my helpless self. He looked down quickly, knowing what he had done was wrong, and disgusting.

I kept walking.

I said goodbye to Kathy from chemistry, thanked her for the "great time", and got into my car. I tried not to cry on the way home but it was no use. I took a stop, stopping at the park near my home, and sat on one of the benches.

The benches, as they had been all my life, were covered in graffiti, poems, phallic drawings, and love hearts.

Matty + Jenna 4 Ever!
Harry sucks dix.

The usual.
I sat there, taking a moment to collect myself, to prepare myself for the shitstorm to come. I pulled a silver sharpie out of my bag, and quickly scrawled something.

"warning: better days to come"

For a second there, I doubted what I had written.

"warning: better days to come, right?"

I drew a smiley face and walked back to my car, and drove the remaining two blocks home. I walked onto my porch, rubbed my shoes on the welcome mat, and walked in. I greeted my younger sister, Felicity, and went to my room, throwing the door behind me. I tried to get my mind off of what had happened, but instead, I just researched what I could do. So many websites suggested what I could do to get those fuckers in jail, but somehow I was too scared.

To ruin their lives? Maybe. To change mine? For sure.

I watched some episodes of awkward, and laughed my ass off, forgetting for a few minutes. I scrolled through my instagram notifications, until I found something that caught my eye.
Fletcher, otherwise known as Skittles, had tagged me, along with several- no, all, of my assailants in a video.

I stopped and stared. And for a second there, I'm sure my heart did too.

"oh my gosh. oh my fucking gosh." I muttered.
It was the video they had taken of everything. Although it was only 15 seconds long, there was a link in the caption that sent you to a page, where all of my torturous ordeal could be seen. In HD!

The caption read "high school hoes, man...". Below it were hundreds of my classmates, slut shaming me, for something I had never wanted in the first place.

It felt like a shot to the heart.

I threw up, right then and there. I ran to the toilet, spilling my guts out. I cried and cried, until Felicity came running into my room, since my parents were gone.

"Oh my god, Joy, what the fuck? What happened?"
I motioned to my cell phone, which still had the video playing on loop. She stepped over, and watched it. I watched her face flush red as she asked "Why would you ever let them record you like that? And not expect it?"

Her words made me cry even more. And that was when she noticed it was not just me "hoeing around". She was at a loss for words, and just began to sob for me.

"Joy, I'm so sorry, wha- I don't- I don't even know what to say"

The rest of a night was a blur. Felicity called my parents, and they came rushing home. I told them all what had happened, and they broke down, for their first born, for me. They all suggested so many things, but I just wanted to escape. I wanted to get out.

We made a deal. If I couldn't handle going back to school, and seeing them everyday, we would move. My dad was up to sacrificing his job, so this meant a lot to them.

Off to hell I went.